Lying as Parenting Technique
What do you get when you combine "honesty is the best policy" with "Do as I say, not as I do"? Here’s an interesting study showing that parents lie to children surprisingly often:
"We are surprised by how often parenting by lying takes place," said study researcher Kang Lee of the University of Toronto, Canada. "Our findings showed that even the parents who most strongly promoted the importance of honesty with their children engaged in parenting by lying."
Lee and colleagues acknowledge that their work is preliminary, bringing to the forefront an issue that is rarely studied. They are not sure the implications of parental lying, but suggest such tall tales could give kids mixed messages at a time when they are trying to figure out how to navigate the social world.
Lies could also harm parent-child bonds, said study researcher Gail Heyman of the University of California, San Diego.
It could even keep children from learning certain rules. "If I am always lying to the child in order to get the child to do X, Y, or Z, then they have never learned why they should do X, Y, or Z," said Victoria Talwar of McGill University in Montreal, who was not involved in the current study. "If it’s constantly being used, [lying] may be preventing learning opportunities for the child."
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Is Conditional Parenting Bad For Children?
Should you love your children unconditionally or should you dole out love only when they behave? Do your children become better adults if you are selective about your approvals – like many of the new parenting advice books say?
Author Alfie Kohn wrote an interesting article for The New York Times wrote about some interesting studies on conditional parenting:
In 2004, two Israeli researchers, Avi Assor and Guy Roth, joined Edward L. Deci, a leading American expert on the psychology of motivation, in asking more than 100 college students whether the love they had received from their parents had seemed to depend on whether they had succeeded in school, practiced hard for sports, been considerate toward others or suppressed emotions like anger and fear.
It turned out that children who received conditional approval were indeed somewhat more likely to act as the parent wanted. But compliance came at a steep price. First, these children tended to resent and dislike their parents. Second, they were apt to say that the way they acted was often due more to a “strong internal pressure” than to “a real sense of choice.” Moreover, their happiness after succeeding at something was usually short-lived, and they often felt guilty or ashamed.
In a companion study, Dr. Assor and his colleagues interviewed mothers of grown children. With this generation, too, conditional parenting proved damaging. Those mothers who, as children, sensed that they were loved only when they lived up to their parents’ expectations now felt less worthy as adults. Yet despite the negative effects, these mothers were more likely to use conditional affection with their own children.
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The Office Kid -- Your Source for Excuses from Work
Need a good excuse for why you’re late to/absent from work? The Office Kid kit lets you pretend to have a child, which you can then use as an excuse for your questionable work ethic. Each kit comes with a framed picture of a child (ethnicity of your choice), a work of children’s art, and a list of suggested excuses. For additional fees, you can have the child photoshopped into a sports team picture or a doctor’s note on official-looking stationery.
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Motherhood in the Wild
Get ready for Mothers Day by getting to know how animal mothers take care of their babies.
From the jungles to the oceans, from the rainforests to the frozen poles, mothers in the wild can bear some similar resemblances to mothers in the city. They bring us into the world, nurture us, love us, teach us the skills we need to survive and protect us from harm, until we are ready to go off on our own. And with Mother’s Day just around the corner, what better way to celebrate motherhood than by looking at how the motherly instinct runs through the wild.
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A Brief History of Motherhood
Even ancient folks expressed their appreciation for mothers -maybe not enough, but mothers have been celebrated for a long time.
While some complain that Mother’s Day is a Hallmark holiday, celebrations of motherhood can in fact be traced back to ancient times. Ancient Greeks celebrated Rhea, the mother of the gods, while ancient Romans had a holiday to celebrate Cybele, a mother goddess. The tradition of celebrating mothers in springtime can be traced back to the celebrations of the goddess Brigid, which occurred at the first milk of the ewes. This brief history traces the way embarking on motherhood moved from being women’s sole purpose, to an assumption, to a duty to produce heirs, and finally, to a decision for the woman
herself.
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How to Get Fathers to Share the Workload in Parenting: Let Him
Psst, moms! Want to know the secret of having your husbands pick up some of the workload at home? Here’s the secret:
New research into the idea of "maternal gatekeeping" shows how attitudes and actions by the mother may promote or impede father involvement.
"For women who insist they have the gold standard around parenting and housework, men just tend to walk away," says Joshua Coleman, a clinical psychologist in San Francisco and Oakland. "They feel their own ideas about how the house should look or … how the children should be raised aren’t given equal share."
Kenney presented research she co-wrote at a meeting of the Population Association of America over the weekend. The study of 1,023 couples from 20 large cities in the USA found mothers were protective of their caregiving and educational engagement with the child but were less so for playtime activities that "were not considered threats to the mother’s caregiving identity," the paper says.
"Maybe he’s not more involved because mom is holding him back," Kenney says.
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Food Face Dinner Plates
These are a great idea and are certain to get children to play with their food -of course, that may not really help get them to eat their veggies. They will be availible on April 10th and are a reasonable $10.
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Jack Cafferty to Parents: Your Kids Aren't Special
CNN commentator Jack Cafferty is mad. Steaming mad. At your bratty kids for disturbing his meal.
In his new book, Now or Never: Getting Down to the Business of Saving Our American Dream
Exhibit A: My wife and I have just been seated for dinner when the maitre d’ walks over and seats a young family at the table next to us and the kids start carrying on like orangutans on a leash.
The parents are going, "Timmy, that’s not nice, don’t throw your food, stop stuffing your mashed potatoes up your nose." Are mom and dad having fun yet, picking food up off the floor, apologizing to people like us, and wiping food flung across the table off their faces?
Some parents still have this attitude that their kids are too special to be burdened by discipline. And the rest of us are supposed to put up with their little mutants. That attitude really pisses me off.
I hate to break it to them, but the kids aren’t special, and I don’t have to put up with their behavior. If you can’t control your obnoxious little brats, leave them home.
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Tiny Art Director
Bill Zeman’s daughter is the Tiny Art Director. She tells him what to draw and then tells him just exactly how much she hates it. Bill has been recording her comments and posting them with his art since she was two and a half.
Here’s a sample:
The Brief: Purple Gatorade [Rosie's Fish]
The Critique: Dad, that doesn’t look like Purple Gatorade. Only mine looks like Purple Gatorade. You’re going to scan it, and then when you’re done with it, it’s going to be scrappled up and thrown in the garbage. And then mine will be our final picture.
Job Status: Rejected
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