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Words: Marc Abrahams
Music: Jacques Offenbach, Giuseppe Verdi, and Arthur Sullivan
(And thanks to Mary Ellen Davey, Harriet Provine, Dany Adams, and Carl Zimmer for bacteriological insights, and Robert Csillag, DDS, and his staff for inspiration on microbial matters.)
The Bacterial Opera premiered as part of the 20th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, at Sanders Theater, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts, on September 30, 2010.
Video of the performance can be seen at www.improbable.com.
Original Cast
Stage manager and conductor: David Stockton
Kirkospocokococcus: Maria Ferrante
Gallileococcus: Ben Sears
Sidekickococcus: Roberta Gilbert
Accordionococcus: Thomas Michel
Bacillusnameless: Marc Andelman
The woman: Jenny Gutbezahl
Supporting bacilli: Sheldon Glashow, Roy Glauber, William Lipscomb, James Muller, Frank Wilczek, Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer, Jason Webley, Mary Ellen Davey, Rich Losick, and a multitude of bacteria.
Pianist: Branden Grimmett
Costume designer: Jenn Martinez.
The characters are a WOMAN, who spends the entire time—except at the very end—sitting on a chair napping with her mouth open so we can see her teeth, and the BACTERIA who live on one of her front teeth. Those bacteria, KIRKOSPOCKOCOCCUS, SIDEKICKOCOCCUS, and GALLILEOCOCCUS, do all the singing. Most of the characters on stage are non-singing bacteria. In the premiere one bacterium played the accordion.
ACT 1—Stuck on This Tooth
NARRATOR: Tonight’s opera stars several trillion bacteria—would you all please take a bow?—several
trillion bacteria… and one human being—a woman, who as you can see, is asleep on a chair, with her mouth hanging open. The action takes place on one tooth inside that woman’s mouth. The main characters are called KIRKOSPOCKOCOCCUS, SIDEKICKOCOCCUS and GALLILEOCOCCUS. We have arranged a sort of microscope so you can see them. Let’s take a look. Will one of the technicians please turn on the microscope?
[KIRKOSPOCKOCOCCUS AND SIDEKICK-OCOCCUS AND GALLILEOCOCCUS COME ON STAGE AND TAKE A BOW.]
Ah. Here they are, magnified so very much that—believe it or not—these teeny-tiny, liddle-widdle bacteria appear to be the SAME SIZE AS THE HUMAN BEING. Isn’t that a hoot? Here in Act 1, KIRKOSPOCKOCOCCUS and SIDEKICKOCOCCUS will explain why they hate being stuck, their whole lives, on this tooth. But you know, and I know, that what they REALLY hate are all the many, many other bacteria species in their crowded neighborhood. Let’s listen to them gripe…
[TUNE: “Barcarolle” by Offenbach, from “Tales of Hoffman”]
KIRKOSPOCKOCOCCUS and SIDEKICKOCOCCUS:
Nasty neighbors! Nasty neighbors!
Nasty neighbors! Nasty neighbors!
Nasty neighbors! Nasty neighbors!
[HERE IS WHERE WORDS BEGIN IN ORIGINAL OFFENBACH VERSION]
Streptococcus! Stuck on this tooth,
With neighbors who hurt and mock us.
Let’s name names. Let’s tell the whole truth.
Let’s name the scum on this tooth!
TrepoNEEma dentiCOla! What a loathsome neighbor!
Squirts and leaks and drips and drools
Such stinky molecules.
Such stinky molecules! Prob’ly some kind of peptide…
Those stinky molecules—They eat holes in my hide.
Stinky molecules. Stinky molecules.
Pee yooo!
Porph’ro-MO-nas gingi-VA-lis! What a loathsome neighbor!
Night and day, they spew and they spray / Bacteriocin spray.
Bacteriocin spray / Makes our guts leak away.
Our guts leak away. They leak away.
Oooh! Oooh!
ACT 2—A Vision of Distant, Bigger Things
more …
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Fans of the Mario Bros. video game franchise draw inspiration from the moustachioed plumbers in so many creative ways, but i’m generally most impressed by the musical tributes. This operatic styled song released on YouTube by legolambs has hilarious lyrics that go along with the gameplay so well that you’ll be entertained even though you’re watching someone play Super Mario Bros. for the millionth time.
–via Geekosystem
Every two years, the Bregenzer Performing Arts Festival in Austria constructs an enormous floating stage that looks like anything other than an opera stage. Past designs include human heads, steam engines, and ice-covered mountains. Toxel has photos of these designs and others.
Link -via Dude Craft | Photo: Benno Hagleitner
Tragedy on the Sea Nymph from machine project on Vimeo.
Opera has become infinitely more enjoyable since the canines have hit the stage. Watch as wig wearing hounds get dramatic, in a silent performance that will leave a mark on more than your shoe.
“Two Boys”, a new opera at the ENO London Coliseum, highlights the profoundly weird behavior we engage in online. Watch as this guy takes his Facebook and Twitter activity to the streets. “Do you want to be my friend? Can I poke you? What’s your comment?” If you’re going to be London-bound sometime between June 24 and July 8, you can pick up tickets to the show on the Two Boys website.
via Gizmodo
The Norwegian browser company Opera has received emails for years that were intended for Oprah Winfrey. Now that Oprah has concluded her daily talk show, Opera executives posted some of the best letters as a tribute to her. Link -via Boing Boing
The Bregenz Festival brings opera to the shores of Lake Constance in Bregenz, Austria in July and August. They are now building the stage on the lake front, which is, as you can see, quite an enterprise. See more pictures of this fantastic stage and its meaning at Kuriositas. Link
(Image credit: Flickr user Kecko)
The 2010 Ig Nobel Prizes will be awarded this Thursday, September 30th, at Harvard University’s Sanders Theater. Tickets are sold out, but the ceremonies will be streamed live for your entertainment beginning at 7:30 Eastern time.
Meanwhile, here is a mini-opera that was performed at the 2007 ceremonies. The theme for the awards that year was “Chicken”, but the opera was edged out in the post-publicity for the awards due to winner Dan Meyer’s demonstration of his research on sword-swallowing.
Chicken versus Egg
A mini-opera in three acts
Music by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Words by Marc Abrahams
Hen: Gail Kilkelly
Egg: Maggie McNeil
Other eggs: Nobel Laureates Roy Glauber, Dudley Herschbach, William Lipscomb, Craig Mello and Robert Laughlin
Pianist: Scott Nicholas
Opera Director: Margot Button
NARRATOR: Tonight’s opera is called “Chicken versus Egg.” It’s about a chicken sitting on an egg, and you can probably guess where it goes from there. The chicken is played by Gail Kilkelly. We will meet her in Act 2. The egg is played by Maggie McNeil. The two singers are, like the characters they play, mother and daughter.
Here’s some background. The hen has been sitting on the egg for quite a while now. The egg is getting awfully bored. Let’s join her now as she complains to her mother.
[MUSIC: “Voi Che Sapete” from “The Marriage of Figaro” by Mozart.]
[The EGG sings this. Her manner is that of a petulant, bored teenager. As the EGG sings, she sometimes looks upward, in the direction of the sitting hen.]
EGG:
Mother! Oh, Mother! Please stop sitting on my head.
Did you he-ar,
Mother de-ar?
Did you hear what I just sa-ai-aid?
You’re overprotective. It’s total envelop-ment.
Don’t keep me tucked away—
Teach me to play
Well with others.
Your love smothers
Your child’s develop-ment.
Then there’s my posture and my growth.
Also my deportment.
A small bustline!
A twi-isted spine!
It looks like I’ll have both.
But your most nasty cut,
Mother, you brute,
Is that your keeping me beneath your butt
Might smoosh my suit!
Mother dear,
Here is what I fear:
Mother, Mother!
You will smother
My modeling career!
I have… the most perfect suit
One could possess.
It’s really cu-u-u-ute.
Y es! Yes! Yes!
Look! The color is a perfect shade of eggshell!
And the shape’s a perfect ovoid! It looks swell!
But when you sit on me, my clothes will go to hell.
All this you know… perfectly well!
Mother! Oh, Mother! Please stop sitting on my head.
Oh, what a crying shame!
Don’t play this game!
Mental slaughter
Of your daughter!
I’ll never be the same!
Mental slaughter
Of your daughter!
I’ll never be the same!
NARRATOR: Since our first visit with the chicken and the egg, not a whole lot has happened. The egg has continued to be an egg, and the chicken has continued to sit on it. Here in Act 2, the chicken has grown weary of her egg’s incessant whining. Let’s join the mother hen now as she tells her daughter some facts of life.
[MUSIC: “Queen of the Night” from “The Magic Flute” by Mozart.]
[The HEN holds an egg in her hand, and sings this song to it. She is fed up with the egg’s attitude.]
HEN:
You little egg, you listen to your mother!
Listen to Mother!
Sit still, and cock an ear. Now then, my dear…
I’ve heard enough!
Enough about your feeling and your passions.
Enough about your shape-revealing fashions.
My ovoid nitwit,
Put a lid on it!
Your foolish rot
Has really made me hot!
Ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-t!
Baking, frying, roasting in foil!
Ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-t!
You watch it, kid—an egg is easy to boil.
Your simpering seems human,
But you—you’re just albumin. [pronounced “al-BYOO-min”]
You act like I’m a doormat.
I will not stand for that.
But I know
That you know
I can’t stop you.
Okay! Stand up, and go!
Oh, ho, ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Your demands are quite a joke.
Settle down. Have lunch. Relax, and eat your yolk.
Ha! Ha! Ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!
I’m your mother.
There… I’m glad we spoke.
NARRATOR: It’s time for the thrilling conclusion to our opera. After nine months—er, um, nine weeks—uh, uh… or however long it takes an egg to hatch—the magic moment is about to arrive. The hen and her favorite egg are reallllllllllly excited.
You may notice some other eggs here on the stage, played by the Nobel Laureates and the other scientists. These other eggs, too, are eager to hatch—but they’re not going anywhere right now. Their stories will have to be told some other time.
Now let’s join the mother hen as her favorite egg breaks out of its shell, and becomes a chick.
[Sung by HEN and EGG. At the beginning, the HEN is giving encouragement and instruction to the EGG, who is tentative and a bit frightened. In the middle, after EGG has hatched, both HEN and EGG grow progressively more excited and happy. The HEN is evermore proud and relieved and happy—but the EGG grows progressively more dismayed once she realizes she has become just like her mother. By the very end of the song, the hen is radiantly joyful, but the egg is in near-panicked despair.]
[The scientists all play the part of OTHER EGGS. They hold whatever we are using as simple egg costumes—perhaps a few pieces of paper taped together, and they say “peck, peck, peck, peck, peck” when the singers are singing the “peck, peck...” part, and at such other times as the mother HEN may direct them to.]
[Music: “Pa-pa-gena! ... Pa-pa-geno!” from “The Magic Flute” by Mozart.]
EGG: Peck! Peck, peck!
HEN: Peck! Peck, peck!
EGG: Peck, peck! Peck, peck!
HEN: Peck, peck! Peck, peck!
EGG: Peck, peck, peck, peck! Peck, peck, peck, peck!
HEN: Peck, peck, peck, peck! Peck, peck, peck, peck!
HEN: Peck, peck, peck! Peck, peck!
EGG: Peck, peck, peck! Peck, peck!
HEN: Peck! Peck! Peck! Peck! Peck!
EGG: Peck! Peck! Peck! Peck! Peck! Yayyyyyy!!!
[The EGG’s shell breaks, and she becomes a chicken.]
HEN: That was a tightly-fitting dress!
EGG: Oh, such a tightly-fitting dress!
HEN: I can imagine your distress!
EGG: You can imagine my distress!
BOTH: Oh, what distress! Oh, what distress!
HEN: You felt peckish? You felt squeezed?
EGG: I felt peckish. I felt squeezed!
HEN: Bottle-neckish, almost tweezed?
EGG: Bottle-neckish, almost tweezed!
BOTH:
Well, at first I [you] tried to make do.
Then at last I [you] had a breakthrough.
I [you] got rid of that thing quick.
I’m [You’re] a chick!
I’m [You’re] a chick!!
I’m [You’re] a chick!!!
Yes, I am [you are] quite a stylish chick!
Yes, I am [you are] quite a stylish chick!!
HEN: Now! Now at last! You are a chicken!
EGG: Now! Now at last! I am a chicken!
HEN: Now! Now at last! You are a chicken!
EGG: Now! Now at last! I am a chicken!
HEN: You’re a chicken!
EGG: I’m a chicken!
HEN: You’re a chicken!
EGG: I’m a chicken!
BOTH:
I’m [You’re] a chicken!
I’m [You’re] a chicken!
EGG: Do you know what I want to do?
HEN: Yes, I know what you want to do!
EGG: To lay an egggggggggggg!
HEN: You’ll lay an egg and be a mother!
BOTH:
Lay an egg and be a mother!
Lay an egg and be a mother!
lay an egg and be a mother, mother, mother, mother, mother!
To lay an egg!
To lay an egg!
HEN: Yes, that IS just what I would do!
EGG: Oh, no! That’s just what YOU would do!
HEN: I’d lay an egggggggggggg!
EGG: I’ve become just like my mother!
I’ve become just like my mother!
I’ve become just like my mother, mother, mother, mother, mother!
BOTH:
I’m [You’re] just like her [me]!
I’m [You’re] just like her [me]!
Like my [your] mother!
Like my [your] mother!
Like my [your] mother, mother, mother, mother, mother!
Well, well, well! Well, well, well, well!
Like my [your] mother!
Like my [your] mother!
Like my [your] mother, mother, mother, mother, mother!
Put me back into my [You have come out of your] shell!
Put me back into my [You have come out of your] shell!!
Put me back into my [You have come out of your] shell!!!
EGG: I’ve become just like my mother!!!!
HEN: You’ve become just like your mother!!!!
BOTH:
Mother, mother, mother, mother!
Mother, mother, mother, mother!
Mother, mother, mother, mother!
_____________________
The article above is from the November-December 2007 issue of the Annals of Improbable Research. You can download or purchase back issues of the magazine, or subscribe to receive future issues. Or get a subscription for someone as a gift!
Visit their website for more research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK.
Comments Off An Italian festival in Reading Terminal Market was the scene of lyrical vibrato as The Opera Company of Philadelphia’s singers performed Verdi’s “Brindisi from La Traviata” live and among the crowd. Cheers, Philly!
Well, if you won’t go to the opera, then the opera will just have to come to you. Here’s a wonderful public performance by a group of very talented college students. Behold, the Bus Stop Opera:
Public performances take place along a city’s area transit routes, with found audiences/participants. All cast and crew will utilize public transit to travel from one bus stop to the next at the completion of each opera and may perform en route to next act or full performance
Take a look: May 2009 Bus Stop Opera in New York City [embedded Vimeo clip] | Bus Stop Opera’s official website – Thanks Marilyn’s daughter!
Previously on Neatorama: 10 Operas You Didn’t Know You Already Like
“The Flight of the Bumblebee” from Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov’s opera The Tale of the Tsar Saltan has a tempo so fast that it challenges all but the greatest musicians. We’ve previously featured accordion, banjo, and trumpet arrangements of this piece. Here’s a vocal performance by Swedish opera singer Malena Ernman. It’s as much a demonstration of physical comedy as it is an extraordinary musical act.
via Geekosystem
With the advent of competing browsers came some fierce loyalty to one brand or another. Some people would go as far to say they “love” their browser of choice. That got Grace Smith thinking. If you had to marry a web browser, which one would it be, and why? She put the question to her Twitter followers, and got many responses. Some examples:
I’d marry Firefox, but I’d like her to lose some weight and stop complaining when I accidentally call her Google Chrome.
I imagine I would start by dating Firefox, but come to realize she is high maintenance and run off with Safari.
It would have to be Opera, still barely touched and very innocent but with some great hidden features.
Netscape is my MILF!
I would marry FireFox, but every once in a while have a fling with Safari (For the looks) & Chrome (For the performance).
Can’t say which one i’d marry but I’d divorce IE6 in a second.
IE makes promises it doesn’t keep.Safari is unpredictable and incompatible. Firefox hogs the resources. I think I’d be single.
Firefox, though I have to admit, I’ve had several affairs with Safari. *shamefaced* But I’ll always come back to you, Firefox!
The new Star Trek movie may not have the Klingon language in it, but Klingons may have the last laugh yet. They have center stage in a renewal of a long-lost art form: the Klingon opera.
Every culture has its epic tales of mighty warriors. Odysseus blinds the Cyclops. Beowulf rips out the arm of Grendel. For Klingons, there’s Kahless, who dices 500 warriors with a sword forged from his own hair and some help from the Lady Lukara. To celebrate their victory, they make love in the ankle-deep blood.
The story of Kahless the Unforgettable is a cornerstone of Klingon mythology, as told in the opera u. Members of the Klingon Terran Research Ensemble — based in The Hague, the Netherlands — have been workshopping u for the last year with an ambitious goal: to mount the first authentic performances of Klingon opera here on earth.
“The first time I read that proposal, I thought they were freaks,” says Jorn Weisbrodt, the creative director for the Byrd Hoffman Watermill Foundation in New York. “But they’re really being very serious. And I think it really is the result that matters, and I found the result quite fascinating and interesting and strange and weird.”
From the Upcoming 
ueue, submitted by CheeseDuck.
If you’ve ever wondered what Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (Ricardo Montalban, RIP) would look like if it were an Italian opera, you’re in luck. Here’s Le Wrath di Khan, by the genius folks at Robot Chicken: Link [embedded adult swim video] – Thanks John!
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