Tom Cox wrote a list of tips to help a cat sitter feed his half-dozen cats. There are 35 steps in all. Here is a sample:
7. Gently greet Prettyboy Tabby Cat in unthreatening girly voice, in an attempt not to hurt Prettyboy Tabby Cat’s increasingly delicate self-esteem.
8. Open sachets of Felix Meat Selection In Jelly and distribute evenly between five porcelain bowls and Free Sideless Entirely Pointless Curvy Purina One Plastic Dish.
9. Bat Overexcitable Ginger Simpleton Cat off worktop with elbow, whilst mocking Overexcitable Ginger Simpleton Cat’s habit of leaving his tongue out and needling him about childhood traumas.
10. Empty and refill Strangely Named Plastic Water Dispenser, removing soggy biscuits from plughole.
11. Forcefully remove Obnoxious Yappy Black Cat from kitchen work surface.
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