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Thanksgiving Turkey Cake

Look, I love roast turkey as much as any other patriotic American on Thanksgiving. But it has one major flaw: it’s too healthy. Beth Klosterboer has a better approach. Her turkey is packed with delicious sugar, inside and out.

You can find her full recipe here. It takes about 9 hours of prep time, of which you’ll actually work 2 and a half hours. It serves 1 person. Beth writes “30,” but I’ll just assume that’s a typo.

You’ll need 3 yellow cake mixes. One will be the base. Then you’ll cut another cake into the shape of a toilet seat and place it on the base. Now fill the interior with candy corn like so:

Now place the third cake on top, shape the assembly into a turkey and cut out a hole for the giblets.

Beth’s stuffing consists of toasted cake cubes. Stuff them in the hole. Mash together cake and frosting into a paste and shape it into pairs of turkey legs and wings.

Cover the whole bird with frosting and airbrush some tones into the surface. You can also do as Beth did and circle the cake with fondant garnishes, assuming that you haven’t already eaten the whole thing before the guests arrive.

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The holidays have slipped away from the general public and been completely bastardized by Big Business. The traditional meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas both have been diluted by mass consumerism. Read more about the War on the Holidays and American Values being waged from the trenches of Wall Street at where one Turkey gets his revenge for encroaching on the holidays this year!
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