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"If it squirms, it’s biology; if it stinks, it’s chemistry; if it doesn’t work, it’s physics; and if you can’t understand it, it’s mathematics."
– Magnus Pyke, scientist (mad scientist, actually)
"A man is not old until regrets take place of dreams."
– John Barrymore, actor
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"Racism is so stupid. There’s more than enough reasons to dislike people on an individual basis."
– Will Durst, political satirist
"I’m single by choice. Not my choice."
– Orny Adams, comedian
"When I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it stays split."
– Raymond Chandler, author
"The next time I want to send an idiot on some errand, I’ll go myself."
– Sam Goldwyn, movie producer and founder of Paramount and MGM movie studios (that ‘G’ in MGM stands for Goldwyn)
"Men who have pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery."
– Rita Rudner, comedian
Comments Off "Michael Jackson was a poor black boy who grew up to be a rich white woman."
– Molly Ivins, American newspaper columnist and author
Comments Off "Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!"
– Andy Andrews, author
Comments Off "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
– George Burns, comedian (1896-1996)
Comments Off "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."
– Ernest Benn, British publisher (1875 – 1954)
Comments Off "Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot."
– Oscar Wilde, poet and author (1854 – 1900)
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy."
– Henry Kissinger, diplomat (b. 1923)
"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere."
– Albert Einstein, scientist (1879 – 1955)
"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it."
– Mark Twain, humorist and author (1835 – 1910)
"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear."
– Mark Twain, humorist and author (1835 – 1910)
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
– Robert A. Heinlein, sci-fi author (1907 – 1988)
"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber."
– Plato, Greek philosopher (424 – 348 BC)
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
– Oscar Wilde, poet and author (1854 – 1900)
"Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license"
– Mark Twain, humorist and author (1835 – 1910)
Comments Off "An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her."
– Agatha Christie, author (1890 – 1976)
Comments Off "The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one."
– Mark Twain, humorist and author (1835 – 1910)
"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."
– Henry Kissinger, diplomat (b. 1923)
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
– J. Paul Getty, oil tycoon (1892 – 1976)
"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be"
– Anonymous
"If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error."
– John Kenneth Galbraith, economist (1908 – 2006)
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
– Bob Hope, comedian and entertainer (1903 – 2003)
Comments Off "Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."
– William James, American psychologist and philosopher (1842 – 1910)
via Tombo’s Blog
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality by not dying."
– Woody Allen, film director and actor (b. 1935)
Comments Off "If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion."
– George Bernard Shaw, author (1856 – 1950)
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