Archive Category: Quote-a-Day
Quote: Jef Raskin on Exploding Shoes and Computers
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining."
- Jef Raskin, computer scientist (started the Macintosh project for Apple)
Quote: Ayn Rand on the Root of All Evil
"So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?"
- Ayn Rand, American novelist and philosopher
Quote: Dan Quayle on Losing One’s Mind
"What a waste it is to lose one’s mind- or not to have a mind. How true that is."
- Dan Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States
Quote: Groucho Marx on Man’s Best Friend
"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx, comedian and actor
Quote: Oscar Wilde on Cynics
"The cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."
- Oscar Wilde, author and playwright
Quote: Ingersoll on Hope
"I suppose it can be truthfully said that Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity."
- Robert G. Ingersoll, American political leader and orator
Quote: H.L. Mencken on Conscience
"Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking."
- H.L. Mencken, journalist and satirist
Quote: Paul Ehrlich on Computer
"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer."
- Paul Ehrlich, scientist
and Nobel laureate- Thanks Fred!
"Television is the device that has changed a generation of youngsters from an irresistible force into immovable objects."
- Anonymous
Quote: Dave Barry on Religion
"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
- Dave Barry, author and humorist
Quote: Elbert Hubbard on Temptation and Getting Older
"Don’t worry about temptation. As you grow older, it starts avoiding you."
- Elbert Hubbard, writer and artist
Quote: Mark Twain on Education
"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."
- Mark Twain, writer and humorist
Quote: Isaac Asimov on Knowledge and Wisdom
"The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom."
- Isaac Asimov, author
Quote: Phyllis Diller on Golf
"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing."
- Phyllis Diller, comedienne, on golf
Quote: Evan Esar on Statistics
"Definition of statistics: the science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures."
- Evan Esar, American humorist
Quote: Dennis Miller on Guilt
"What is guilt? Guilt is the reason they put articles in Playboy."
- Dennis Miller, comedian, political commentator, and actor
Quote: Rich Cook on Programming Idiot-Proof Programs
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
- Rich Cook, author
Quote: Scott Adams on the Creator of the Universe
"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."
- Scott Adams, cartoonist
Quote: Magnus Pyke on How to tell the Sciences Apart
"If it squirms, it’s biology; if it stinks, it’s chemistry; if it doesn’t work, it’s physics; and if you can’t understand it, it’s mathematics."
- Magnus Pyke, scientist (mad scientist, actually)
Quote: John Barrymore on Old Age
"A man is not old until regrets take place of dreams."
- John Barrymore, actor
Quote: Will Durst on Racism
"Racism is so stupid. There’s more than enough reasons to dislike people on an individual basis."
- Will Durst, political satirist
Quote: Orny Adams on Being Single
"I’m single by choice. Not my choice."
- Orny Adams, comedian
Quote: Raymond Chandler on Split Infinitive
"When I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it stays split."
- Raymond Chandler, author
Quote: Sam Goldwyn on Sending an Idiot
"The next time I want to send an idiot on some errand, I’ll go myself."
- Sam Goldwyn, movie producer and founder of Paramount and MGM movie studios (that ‘G’ in MGM stands for Goldwyn)
Quote: Rita Rudner on Men and Marriage
"Men who have pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery."
- Rita Rudner, comedian
Quote: Molly Ivins on Michael Jackson
"Michael Jackson was a poor black boy who grew up to be a rich white woman."
- Molly Ivins, American newspaper columnist and author
Quote: Andy Andrews on the Toilet Brush
"Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!"
- Andy Andrews, author
Quote: George Burns on People Who Know How to Run the Country
"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
- George Burns, comedian (1896-1996)
Quote: Ernest Benn on Politics
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."
- Ernest Benn, British publisher (1875 - 1954)
Quote: Oscar Wilde on Faithfulness
"Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot."
- Oscar Wilde, poet and author (1854 - 1900)
