Can french fries be objects of art? That's debatable, but they sure can be objects of lawsuits!

Here's what happened when a gallery lost a pair of french fries that "were the basis of an artwork":

The artwork comprised a cross made of two golden chips, alongside two normal fries, deep-fried and not gold-leafed.

The catalogue for the original 1990 exhibition “Pommes d’Or,” described the work of artist Stefan Bohnenberger as “the metamorphosis of a profane everyday object into a sacred artwork.”

But the gallery’s reverence for the chips declined in the intervening decades, because when Bohnenberger asked for the two normal fries back last year, the Munich gallery Mosel and Tschechow could no longer find them. An incensed Bohnenberger promptly demanded damages, which the gallery refused to pay.

According to a report in news magazine Der Spiegel the court ruled that the gallery must now hand Bohnenberger €2,000 plus five percent interest from May 2010. On top of that, the gallery is being forced to pay 90 percent of the court fees.

The judge found that the gallery had neglected its duty to keep the chips safe.

What were they thinking? This could've been solved for $0.99 with a quick trip to the local McDonald's: Link - via Arbroath

This blog has the tagline “an illustrated introduction to criminal law and procedure.” It’s part webcomic and part law class, and all interesting. Author Nathaniel Burney breaks down criminal culpability into small pieces so we can understand some of the many facets of crime and the justice system. In the latest post, there are quite a few people who hate “you,” but they have different intents and take different actions. Which ones are guilty of attempted murder? The concepts are laid out in logical order from the beginning of the blog, but it’s not totally necessary to read them in order. Link -Thanks, Wiseayse!

“The cat was not malnourished, not dehydrated, didn’t need any kind of veterinary care. So, it had a happy ending. What concerns me is the people capable of doing this might be capable of doing something worse,” Browning said.

Just who would put a cat in a taped up box and leave it in a parking lot remains a mystery at this point.

Capt. Camilleri said, “Right now it doesn’t appear there’s really much to follow up on. It didn’t have any identification on the box or anything like that.”

The upside to this is that the cat, named “Truffle,” is fine, healthy and back with her owner. Tracking down the person responsible is unlikely, if not impossible.

If found, the persons responsible could be charged with animal cruelty. Even Erwin Schrödinger never wanted to try his famous thought experiment on a real cat. Link -via Arbroath

But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.

The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the “suspect” on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was “hot on his heels”.

The officer spent around 20 minutes giving chase before a sergeant came into the CCTV control room, recognised the “suspect” and laughed hysterically at the mistake.

Link | Photo (unrelated) via Flickr user Smabs Sputzer

Image: Irina Silvestrova/Shutterstock

Intelligent beings captured and forced to live in tiny space, then made to perform daily to entertain the masses. Sounds like slavery? PETA thinks so and they're suing ... on behalf of killer whales against SeaWorld:

It is reportedly the first time a US court has heard legal arguments over whether animals should enjoy the same constitutional protections as humans.

SeaWorld's legal team said the case was a waste of time and resources.

The marine park's lawyer, Theodore Shaw, told the court in San Diego: "Neither orcas nor any other animal were included in the 'We the people'... when the Constitution was adopted."

He said that if the case were successful, it could have implications not just on how other marine parks or zoos operate, but even on the police use of sniffer dogs to detect bombs and drugs.

Peta says the killer whales are treated like slaves for being forced to live in tanks and perform daily at the SeaWorld parks in California and Florida.

When people enter the federal government’s Witness Protection Program, they’re supposed to hide, right?

1. WISEGUY: Henry Hill, a member of New York’s Lucchese crime family and participant in the $5.8 million Lufthansa heist from New York’s Kennedy Airport in 1978, the largest cash theft in U.S. history.

IN THE PROGRAM: The Witness Protection program relocated him to Redmond, Washington, in 1980, and Hill, who’s changed his name to Martin Lewis, was supposed to keep a low profile and stay out of trouble. He wasn’t very good at either -in 1985 he and writer Nicholas Pileggi turned his mob exploits into the bestselling book Wiseguy, which became the hit move Goodfellas.

WHAT HAPPENED: When the book became a bestseller, “Martin Lewis” couldn’t resist telling friends and neighbors who he really was. Even worse, he reverted to his life of crime. Since 1980 Hill has racked up a string of arrests for crimes ranging from drunk driving to burglary and assault. In 1987 he tried to sell a pound of cocaine to two undercover Drug Enforcement officers, which got him thrown out of the Witness Protection Program for good.

“Henry couldn’t go straight,” says Deputy Marshal Bud McPherson. “He loved being a wiseguy. He didn’t want to be anything else.”

2. WISEGUY: Aladena “Jimmy the Weasel” Fratianno, mafia hit man and acting head of the Los Angeles mob. When he entered the Witness Protection program in 1977, Fratianno was the highest-ranking mobster ever to turn informer.

IN THE PROGRAM: Fratianno had another claim to fame: he is also the highest-paid witness in the history of the program. Between 1977 and 1987, he managed to get the feds to pay for his auto insurance, gas, telephone bills, real-estate taxes, monthly check to his mother-in-law, and his wife’s facelift and breast implants.

WHAT HAPPENED: The Justice Department feared the payments made the program look “like a pension fund for aging mobsters,” so he was thrown out of the program in 1987. But by that time, Fratianno had already soaked U.S. taxpayers for an estimated $951,326. “He was an expert at manipulating the system,” McPherson said. Fratianno died in 1993.

3. WISEGUY: James Cardinali, a five-time murderer who testified against Gambino crime boss John Gotti at his 1987 murder trial. Gotti, nicknamed the “Teflon Don,” beat the rap, but Cardinali still got to enter the Witness Protection Program after serving a reduced sentence for his own crimes. After his release, federal marshals gave him a new identity and relocated him to Oklahoma.

IN THE PROGRAM: Witnesses who get new identities aren’t supposed to tell anyone who they really are, and when Cardinali slipped up and told his girlfriend in 1989, the program put him on a bus to Albuquerque, New Mexico, and told him to get lost.

But Cardinali wouldn’t leave quietly. When he got to Albuquerque, he made signs that said, “Mob Star Witness” and “Marked to Die by the Justice Department.” Then wearing the signs as a sandwich board, he marched back and forth in front of the federal courthouse, telling reporters he would continue his protest until he was let back into the program or murdered by mobsters, whichever came first. “If I get killed,” Cardinali told reporters, “I want everybody to see what they do to you.”

WHAT HAPPENED: Cardinali flew to Washington, D.C. to appear on CNN’s Larry King Live. But leaving the state violated his parole, so when he got back to New Mexico, he was arrested …and released into the custody of the U.S. Marshals Service. Then he vanished. Did he embarrass the Witness Protection Program into letting him back in? The Marshals Service will “neither confirm nor deny” that he did.

(Image source: Historic LOLs)

4. WISEGUY: John Patrick Tully, convicted murderer and member of the Campisi crime family of Newark, New Jersey.

IN THE PROGRAM: Tully served a reduced sentence for murder and entered the Witness Protection Program in the mid 1970s. By the early 1980s, he was living in Austin, Texas, where, as “Jack Johnson,” he worked as a hot dog and fajita vendor. (It was a “nostalgic” choice -years earlier, he’d robbed a bank and used the money to buy a hot dog cart.)

Tully’s business thrived, but he had repeated run-ins with the police and was arrested numerous times for public intoxication and drunk driving. At some point the police figured out who “Mr. Johnson” really was and then, Tully alleges, they started harassing him.

WHAT HAPPENED: Tully fought back by publicly revealing his true identity.He wrapped himself -literally- in the American flag, and, standing on the steps of city hall with his seven-page rap sheet in one hand and a beer in the other, announced his entry in the 1991 race for mayor. His reasons for running: 1) As a reformed criminal he was a better candidate than typical politicians who “get into office and then start crooking,” and 2) “If the police are going to hit me, then they’ll have to hit me in the limelight.”

Tully actually won 496 votes …but lost the race.

5. WISEGUY: Joseph “Joe Dogs” Iannuzzi, bookie, loan shark, and member of New York’s Gambino crime family from 1974 to 1982.

IN THE PROGRAM: Joe Dogs had a reputation for being an excellent cook -even in the mob. After turning state’s evidence in 1982, he supported himself by opening a bagel shop in Florida.

Then in 1993 he wrote The Mafia Cookbook. How can someone in the Program promote a book? They can’t -witnesses are forbidden contact with the media, and Joe Dogs had to pass on several offers to appear on TV. But he was a huge fan of David Letterman, so when he was asked t appear on The Late Show, he agreed, even though he risked being thrown out of the program. Why would he take the chance? “Dave was my idol,” Iannuzzi explained.

WHAT HAPPENED: It finally dawned on somebody at The Late Show that that bringing a man marked for death by the mob into New York City and putting him on TV with Dave in front of a live studio audience might not be such a good idea. At the last minute, just as Joe Dogs was getting ready to cook Veal Marsala, show staffers told him his segment had been canceled.

Iannuzzi was furious -according to some accounts he even threatened to “whack” Letterman. And although he never actually went on the show, the U.S. Marshals Service kicked him out of the Witness Protection program anyway.

“What am I going to do now? Well,” he told reporters, “I can always cook.”

___________________

The article above was reprinted with permission from Uncle John’s Unstoppable Bathroom Reader.

Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts.

If you like Neatorama, you’ll love the Bathroom Reader Institute’s books – go ahead and check ‘em out!

A college student claims he was injured when a fraternity member in a “drunken stupor” decided “that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus,” and did so, “but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant’s rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back,” and fall off the fraternity’s deck.

The student is now suing the fraternity, Alpha Tau Omega, for failing to provide a railing for the deck as well as the frat brother who lit the rocket in question.

Prediction: Google will not be this young man’s friend in the future.

News Link and Complaint -via Lowering the Bar | Photo: Flickr user snackfight

Image: Tony Talbot/AP

Look closely. See it?

The "pig" in the cow logo was added by a Vermont prison inmate who makes the decals for the state police cruisers:

According to the Burlington Free Press, who originally reported the story, Vermont Public Safety Commissioner Keith Flynn said the disclosure of the incident made him chuckle.

"This is not as offensive as it would have been years ago. We can see the humor," Flynn said.

He said the artist has talents that could be used elsewhere. "If that person had used some of that creativeness he or she would not have ended up inside."

Link

Can't get online porn at your local library? That's censorship, according to the ACLU, who is suing a Washington state library district:

If you log on to a computer at the Wenatchee public library and type "porn" into the search engine, the list of results will appear as if porn doesn't exist.

The North Central Regional Library District banned pornography from its computers. The censorship also means other websites are blocked. The board decided it's a matter of a safe work environment and its responsibility to the public.

"We believe having pornography in public places hurts our ability to accomplish our mission," said Dan Howard, director of public services.

But not all libraries ban porn:

... despite repeated complaints from women about men watching porn in full view of their children, the Seattle Public Library held fast to its policy of unrestricted online access for adults, according to the Seattle Post Intelligencer.

The paper says the King County Library System has a similar policy: it only filters kids' access on computers. The American Library Association endorses the same stance.

"Sometimes, in a library, you're going to see information that's going to make you uncomfortable," Barbara Jones, director of the association's intellectual freedom office, told radio station KUOW Wednesday.

What do you think, Neatoramanauts? Should porn be banned in taxpayer-supported public libraries? Is now allowing online porn to be viewed by adults in a library a form of censorship or just common sense?

(Photo: Shutterstock)

Well, we haven't seen this one before! Here's a bit of legal maneuvering that's so clever it's (almost) criminal: a Florida billionaire legally adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend to shield his wealth from a lawsuit!

[Judge] Kelley had previously ruled that the trust set up for Goodman's two minor children could not be considered as part of Goodman's financial worth if a jury awarded damages to the Wilsons. According to the adoption papers, Hutchins is immediately entitled to at least a third of the trust's assets as his legal daughter since she is over the age of 35.

In a deposition taken in the lawsuit last May, Hutchins told attorneys she started dating Goodman in 2009.

William Wilson's attorney, Scott Smith, said Goodman benefits from the trust and is using it to try to shield assets. The attorney for Lili Wilson, Chris Searcy, argued in a motion that by adopting Hutchins, Goodman can now direct her to remove up to a third of the trust.

"By way of this adoption, John Goodman now effectively owns one third of the trust assets," Smith said. "It cannot go unrecognized that he chose to adopt his 42-year-old adult girlfriend as opposed to a needy child."

Jason Schultz of The Palm Beach Post reports: Link (Photo: Lannis Waters/Palm Beach Post)

President Ronald Reagan survived an assassination attempt on March 30, 1981. This picture was taken shortly before the incident.

The man in the white raincoat is Secret Service agent Jerry Parr; after the shooting, it was Parr who pushed Reagan into a limousine, noticed he was bleeding, and directed the driver to take them to a hospital, probably saving Reagan’s life.

Parr had been inspired to pursue his career by the 1939 film The Code of the Secret Service, in which dashing agent “Brass” Bancroft survives a shooting in Mexico. Bancroft was played by a 28-year-old Ronald Reagan.

You have to wonder what Jerry Parr thought of the coincidence. According to the book Rawhide Down: The Near Assassination of Ronald Reagan, Parr believed afterward that saving the president’s life was God’s plan for him. When he retired from the Secret Service, he became a minister. Link -via Nag on the Lake

Dornstreich, who coaches the Eastview Hockey Association’s PeeWee C team, said he’d noticed that the rink attendant’s eyes were red and that he smelled like the energy drink Red Bull before his team took the ice.

“He looked like I do when I have my allergy attacks,” Dornstreich said. “I didn’t really think anything of it. He didn’t slur his words. He was very alert, got me the keys, we set up the music system and I was on my way.”

Before the PeeWee C players, ages 11 to 13, took the ice, Dornstreich said he noticed that the rink attendant was “making stripes on the ice.” But the driver went back and corrected all his mistakes. After the game it was a different story, though.

While Dornstreich was working with a referee, a parent ran over to say that the rink attendant was “weaving all over, slurring his words.”

But he wasn’t on a public road. Can he be prosecuted for drunk driving? Under Minnesota law, yes:

People have been arrested in Minnesota for driving under the influence on everything from a souped-up motorized recliner to a farm tractor. State law says a DWI can result from driving any kind of a motorized vehicle, pretty much anywhere — a forklift driver at work, a Bobcat driver plowing city sidewalks, a riding lawn mower in a yard.

The Minnesota Court of Appeals did, however, say in 2011 that a physically disabled man driving a motorized scooter could not be convicted of drunken driving. The law makes an exception for “an electric personal assistive mobility device” and the court said the scooter was a wheelchair, not a motor vehicle.

Link -via Dave Barry | Photo (unrelated) by Flickr user ejhogbin

“I was just bored and decided I wanted to be a cat burglar,” Slivers told 23ABC in a jailhouse interview. “So I kicked in the window and tried to steal the lion but it was too heavy, so I stole the cat.”

“I took the leopard to my hotel. I then decided I wanted the dingo so I went back and took it. I took it to Jack In The Box because I wanted to have breakfast with it.”

23ABC asked Slivers what he was planning on doing with the dingo and he replied, “I was going to take it around town with me.”

Slivers told 23ABC he hadn’t taken his medicine for over a week.

Police found the other animal, an African leopard, in Silvers’ hotel room. Link  -via Arbroath

When officers arrived they allegedly found cash, “laying all over the area.” Police also say that several residents were out in the hallways complaining about Veras was banging on their doors and running around.

Police eventually found Veras on the first floor in the laundry room, allegedly trying to stuff money into a washing machine. Officers say he did not live at the apartment, had no reason to be there and — what’s more — was the one who pulled the fire alarm in the first place.

Police say they found over $1,000 scattered throughout the halls and in the washer.

Veras was arrested for trespassing. He apparently has a mistaken notion of what money laundering really entails. Link -via Arbroath

(YouTube Link)

Hudson Urban Bicycles decided to try out something interesting in New York’s SoHo neighborhood-chain up a bike, take a picture of it every day and see how long it takes to disappear, piece by piece.

The findings were surprising at first (it took nearly six months for the first piece to be stolen), then slipped rapidly into familiar territory (only took another 30 days or so for the bike to disappear completely).

Hey, at least the thief (or thieves) waited almost six months before snatching the bike up piece by piece, that has to be a world record!

–via Geekosystem

It’s especially good when something like this happens. The scam artists in the BMW backed up and caused the “accident,” but anyone coming in afterward would assume that the front car was rear-ended. Notice the moment when our driver points out that all this is being recorded. -via reddit

The 34-year-old runner and IT expert chased him and was surprised when he caught up with the thief after just 225 metres.

Realising the game was up, the puffed-out criminal dropped the laptop, allowing Mr Stevens to pick it up.

Mr Stevens said: “I was appalled by how unfit this guy was. I thought it would take a lot longer to catch up with him. If you are going to go into the snatch-and-run business at least try and get fit or at least play to your strengths and go for something less energetic.”

The thief, who Stevens believes is much younger than he is, has not been caught, but Stevens put his money where his mouth is.

The next day Mr Stevens made a donation to a charity which promotes fitness.

He said: “I made a small donation at Milton Country Park to Cambridge Parkrun to help encourage youngsters to get fit. They seem to need all the help they can get.”

Link -via Arbroath

Former county commissioner Jimmy Dimora is on trial in Akron, Ohio, for corruption. Channel 19 is covering the trial, but are not allowed to take cameras into the federal courtroom. So they did the next best thing -or some would call a better thing- and recreated the court scenes using puppets! This video is day two. You can also see day one at WOIO. Link -via Fark

Apparently you’ve been caught sneaking about Skyrim, pilfering gold and soul gems and such, and now you must choose your fate- go to jail, resist arrest or pay your fine. Sheesh, if only getting arrested in real life was as easy to resolve as it is in Skyrim!

These wacky flyers have been sighted in a city that features red double decker buses (anybody wanna wager a guess from this pic?), and it appears someone has already chosen to Go To Jail. Remember-the guards are always watching, as long as you’re in their line of sight, and you don’t have an invisibility potion in your bag.

Link

"Guns don't kill people, bullets do" or so the saying goes, but 59-year-old Verlin Q. Alsept was a bit unclear of the concept that you still need that gun:

Rather the fellow who entered a Family Dollar Store in Dayton on Tuesday threatened the cashier with a bullet — a single .38 caliber round he pulled from his pocket.

The 59-year-old man asked the cashier for all the money in the cash register. Unfazed by the threatening bullet, she declined, and he left the store empty-handed. A nearby private security guard at the Westown Shopping Center — alerted by the cashier — quickly ran the man to ground as bystanders called police.

Link - via News of the Weird

David Farrell, 26, of Ireland, and Nicholas Moinet, 24, of France, were among a group of travelling vineyard workers who broke into the river boat on the Opawa River, Blenheim, drank alcohol and took photos of each other having a great time, and then left the camera behind.

In the Blenheim District Court yesterday, Judge Anthony Walsh fined the pair $300 each and ordered them to pay reparation of $240 to the boat’s owner before January 20 and additional court costs.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Graham Single said the pair boarded the boat with others and took photographs of themselves on Friday, December 9.

They removed the rollers on the door before drinking three bottles of spirits and taking more than 40 bottles of beer, Single said.

“The offenders left the boat and continued drinking at a nearby campground, leaving the camera behind. Police later identified them.”

Link -via Arbroath

(Image credit: Wikipedia user NordNordWest)

Comics have come a long way from the days of pandering to children in order to sell a product. These days, they’re full of mature stories and subject matter that would make Golden Age Superman blush, and that’s how I like it. To me, a comic book with no spandex clad heroes in sight means I’ll be entertaining more than just my eyeballs when I dig in.

Enter the newest title from Radical Comics-Damaged. It’s a dark, edgy cop story with a serious noir edge, and lots of the old ultraviolence. The story centers around two cops/brothers, one of which will draw obvious comparison to the Punisher with his violent vigilante antics and attitude about killing bad guys.

Written by David Lapham (Crossed and Stray Bullets), Damaged pays homage to its obvious influences without becoming predictable, and the six issue mini series format means you will be left with a satisfying conclusion to the storyline.

The great thing about this series is it’s a throwback with modern flavor, a good pulp story that is familiar yet timeless, with a cast of characters that are iconic enough to exist in any era, and beautiful artwork by Leonardo Manco (Hellblazer and War Machine) that helps sell this realistic story about human nature, inner conflict and inescapable fate.

Want to know more? Read an exhaustive review at the link to the Bad Haven article below, so you know what you’re getting in to before you shell out for the books.

Link

At a glance, Clark’s crime spree seems a couple notches above petty but not much different from the other 750,000 or so cases of check fraud that occur every year in the United States. But even though a dime-a-dozen crime is what did him in, Clark’s road to the Last Frontier is anything but ordinary.

Clark has a penchant for living a fake life. One time he assumed control of the scene of a bridge collapse disaster that had every imaginable type of real government boots on the ground. Another time he nearly caused a made-for-TV international crisis when he told the Russian Embassy he was working with the U.S. military to assassinate then-president Vladimir Putin.

AlaskaDispatch tells of Clark’s bizarre adventures that fueled speculation that he was a spy, a victim of government brainwashing, mentally ill, or possibly just an imaginative con man. Link -via Dark Roasted Blend

Photo: Sedena

Taking a page from the A-Team, drug cartels of Mexico are creating their own DIY, Mad Max (Mad Mex?)-styled armored vehicles. This one above was captured in a metalworking shop:

The completed versions were bigger than what has been found before. Built on three-axle truck beds, they had room for 20 armed men, one official said. They were covered with inch-thick steel, which could withstand 50-caliber fire, and each had been equipped with insulation.

The Mexican Army wasn't impressed, though that may not be the point of these monsters-on-wheels:

The Mexican Army officials do not seem particularly intimidated. They have criticized the machines for being difficult to maneuver, noting that they are designed to frighten rivals.

But for most Mexicans, the mere sight of the seized narco-rhino monsters in military photographs offers a stark reminder that in the battle against crime here there is no place more dangerous than Mexico’s roads.

Link | More Narco Tanks at Telstar Logistics

What you see before you is a man who fancied himself a warrior, but turned out to be nothing but a loser seeking revenge for something that happened to him when he was seven years old. Here’s the scoop:

This is the astonishing moment a crazed attacker stormed into a supermarket armed with an arsenal of knives including a hockey stick with a blade on the end as oblivious punters carried on their shopping.
Described as looking like a ‘warrior’, Wolverhampton Crown Court heard how David Millington, 37, went into Morrisons in a suburb of Wolverhampton last March wearing a tool belt containing five kitchen knives and a makeshift shield.

Millington then chased security guard Andrew Osbourne, who he lived close to as a youngster and reportedly has a 30-year grudge against, through the store before being tackled to the ground by brave manager Michael Walsh.

Nothing about fifty years of therapy won’t cure, am I right?

Link

Auburn Calloway had swung a hammer with great force into the top of Andy Peterson’s head several times in rapid succession. Jim Tucker turned to see what the commotion was about just as one of Calloway’s hammers landed a crushing blow to the left side of the co-pilot’s skull, driving bone fragments into his brain. Having temporarily incapacitated 2/3 of the crew, Calloway turned his attention to the pilot. Captain Sanders managed to deflect some of the hail of hammer strikes, nevertheless several blows penetrated his confused defenses and rendered him bleeding and disoriented.

Calloway withdrew back into the galley as the mauled crew members attempted to disentangle themselves from their seats with sluggish limbs and excruciating pain. The instrument panels were spattered with blood and all three men bled profusely from head wounds. Co-pilot Jim Tucker, unable to get out of his seat, repeatedly urged “Get him!” to his more mobile crew mates. Engineer Andy Peterson could barely hear due to a loud ringing in his ears.

Before Sanders and Peterson could mobilize, Calloway reappeared holding a spear gun.

Flight 705 never made it to its destination in California, but did not crash. How the crew managed to land the plane while sustaining terrible injuries is a story told at Damn Interesting. Link

The Freetail Brewing Co. of San Antonio, Texas discovered that the name of one of its beers was claimed by another company. It learned this fact when it received a threatening letter from the attorney of that company. The brewers decided that fighting the issue wasn’t worth the trouble, but wanted to have a bit of fun with their response. Pictured above is a screenshot of part of the letter, which can be found at the link. Much to Metzger’s credit, even though he didn’t go to law school, he knew about the advantage of sending a copy to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Link and Company Website -via TigerHawk | Above image has been edited for space

Unfortunately for the man, there were yet more problems in store. Police also spotted that he had been siphoning off waste oil from his car into the sewer at the time.

Disposing of waste oil in this way is an offence in France, with serious cases risking up to two years in prison and a fine of €76,000 ($97,000).

The moral of the story: if you do something illegal, don’t get caught with your head in a sewer. Link -via Arbroath

A man accused of drug trafficking showed up for court Friday in Fort Lauderdale sporting a jacket that bore a cartoon-style recipe for cooking crack cocaine. [...]

The man’s white jacket looked like a how-to guide for making crack cocaine, with a series of little pictures of a white substance with a spoon, a carton of baking soda and a little pot over a fire. The end product was a “rock,” slang for the drug.

The finishing touch was the slogan “stack paper say nothing” — make money and hold onto it, in the vernacular.

Witnesses, including the man’s attorney Joshua Rydell, would not reveal the name of the man, who did not get into trouble for his threads.

Rydell said his clients still surprise him by wearing drug-related attire to court.

“Giant marijuana leaves on their T-shirts…” Rydell said. “It’s so common that I routinely advise clients, ‘No drug-related clothes when you come to court.’”

Link -via Dave Barry | Photo: Michael D. Weinstein

Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, 30, was arrested Thursday afternoon on charges of carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a violation of probation in Madison, Wisc.

Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was born Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, according to court records unearthed by the Capital Times. He legally changed his name to Beezow Doo-Doo Zoopittybop-Bop-Bop in October.

According to Zopittybop-Bop-Bop’s apparent Facebook account, when he’s not in trouble with the law he enjoys activities including “eating,” “standing,” walking,” “thinking,” and “diamond.” He’s also single… so there’s that, ladies.

Link

(Image credit: Dane County Sheriff’s Office)

During an arson investigators conference in Bakersfield, Calif., in January 1987, several suspicious fires broke out. At one of the fires, investigators found a single fingerprint on a piece of notebook paper. Two years later, during another fire investigators conference in Pacific Grove, an outbreak of small fires occurred. Bakersfield’s arson investigator compared the participants at both conferences and found 10 people attended both. By 1991, the investigators formed the Pillow Pyro task force and published a profile, noting the suspect was most likely an arson investigator from the greater Los Angeles area. The fingerprint found at the first conference was compared to those of the 10 attendees of both conferences; it matched Orr’s fingerprint. When he was arrested in November 1991, police found cigarettes, rubber bands, and binoculars.

A book Orr had written earlier about a fireman who was an arsonist did not help his defense. Read the story of Orr and five other arsonists at mental_floss. Link

(Image credit: Reuters/Gene Blevins/Lando)

"Black Bart" Boles

Guns? Check. Masks? Check. Poetry book? If you’re going to rob a stagecoach, here’s how to do it with flair.

If You’re A Poet, Show It

Even if you’re a no-good, law-flouting bandit, it pays to mind your manners -and your meter. In California, between 1875 and 1883, Charles E. “Black Bart” Boles held up more than two dozen Wells Fargo stagecoaches. Even though he seemed to have an intense private grudge against the bank, he was always polite to its employees, asking stage drivers to “please” throw down the money. Stranger still, Boles often left poetry at his crime scenes. This poem was his most well-known:

I’ve labored long
and hard for bread,
For honor and for riches,
But on my corns
too long you’ve tread,
You fine-haired sons of bitches.

In 1883, Boles was wounded during a holdup and accidentally left a handkerchief at the crime scene. When Wells Fargo detectives traced it back to him, he was arrested and imprisoned, and although Boles’ career as a robber was over, his literary influence was just beginning. During his imprisonment, several copycat stagecoach robbers left truly dreadful bits of poetry at the scenes of their crimes.

Spin the Media

Jesse James and his One-armed Mother

Jesse James spent as much time honing his public image as he did robbing people. In fact, James frequently wrote letters to newspapers, stressing that his gang never attacked innocent farmers, only corrupt banks and railroad companies. He also claimed lawmen hounded James and his brothers because they had been Confederate soldiers, which won the gang sympathy in the South. His letters were widely reprinted, even in The New York Times, helping turn the Missouri bandits into national legends.

One night in 1875, Pinkerton detectives threw a flare into the James family home. The agents were trying to light up the dark house so they could shoot at the outlaws, but the flare exploded in the fireplace, killing Jesse’s young half-brother and maiming his mother, who lost her right forearm. James made the incident seem even worse than it was in his letters to the press, falsely claiming the detectives had tossed a 32-pound military shell into his mother’s home. The public was horrified, and after the explosion, Pinkerton agents received little help from Jesse’s neighbors, who were often happy to provide the James gang with food, information, and hiding places.

Rob Smarter, Not Harder

A stagecoach at Yellowstone National Park

In the early 1900s, automobiles were starting to replace stagecoaches, which meant that stagecoach robbers were a dying breed. One of the last havens for the bandits was Yellowstone National Park, because the park didn’t allow motor vehicles. On the lonely, isolated trails, robbers could loot stagecoaches with remarkable efficiency.  On July 29, 1914, an ex-con named Ed Trafton chose a spot about eight miles from Old Faithful geyser, where there was only one route for stagecoaches. With the aid of an armed accomplice who kept his victims from turning around to get help, Trafton held up 15 coaches, one by one, as though he were operating a drive-through bank.

Get in Touch with Your Feminine Side

During the 17th century, English highwayman Tom Rowland menaced coach travelers with a string of holdups that lasted for 18 years, and the entire time, he was dressed like a lady. Did he put on women’s clothing as a disguise, or was it a fetish? Difficult to be sure, but Rowland worked hard to keep up the charade, even riding sidesaddle when getting away from crime scenes. Caught and convicted in 1699, Rowland was hanged at Tyburn Hill, the historic place of execution for London-area criminals. The law was strict, but jail regulations were not; Rowland spent his final morning dallying with a London prostitute, purportedly dressed as a man.

The body of Bill Brazelton, still wearing his mask.

Wait for the Other Shoe to Drop

Arizona stagecoach robber Bill Brazelton threw lawmen off his trail with a cunning horseshoe trick. Before committing a crime, he would place shoes on his horse normally, then once he’d stolen the goods, he’d quickly turn the shoes around. After he rode off, it would look as though there were two sets of tracks leading to the crime scene, but no tracks leading away.

Brazelton’s scheme worked until one day in 1878, when one horseshoe fell off his steed after a robbery. The horse left behind a bizarre set of tracks, with three shod hooves running in one direction, and one bare hoof running in the other. A suspicious tracker traced the odd hoofprints to a corral near Tucson, where a posse laid an ambush for Brazelton, and he was killed in the attack. That thing about the horseshoe being lucky? Not so much.

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The article above, written by David Norris, is reprinted with permission from the Scatterbrained section of the November-December 2011 issue of mental_floss magazine. Get a subscription to mental_floss and never miss an issue!

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The Coast Guard received a distress call about a body spotted floating off the coast of Old Portsmouth, Hants, and when they arrived they found that it was a creature from another planet!

What they had actually discovered was a life-sized replica of everybody’s favorite turtle-esque alien E.T., which had been stolen from the home of Margaret Wells over a year ago.

The replica was custom made by Margaret’s daughter, and what the person who stole E.T. intended to do with him is anybody’s guess. But since he washed up on the shore we can only assume that he owed money to some very bad people. Margaret’s response:

“He has lost a finger and looks a bit roughed up. But he has a smile on his face,” she said. “I always knew E.T. would come home.”

Link

Psst! Wanna get a good score on the SAT? Forget studying - the (criminally) smart way is to buy the perfect score.

Here's the story by Alison Stewart at 60 Minutes of how one really smart guy named Sam Eshaghoff ran a criminal enterprise of taking tests for profit (an academic gun for hire, if you will), and how he got caught:

Eshaghoff: As soon as I took that first test, and I went in and I killed it, like my first time ever taking the test for somebody else, I got a perfect score on the math section. It was like, "Whoa, that was easy and that was great. And I'm good at this."

It was clockwork from there. Over the course of nearly three years, he took the SAT over and over again, consistently scoring in the 97th percentile or higher for the students he called his "clients."

Eshaghoff: I mean my track record speaks for itself. Like if you know somebody's so stellar at doing something so flawlessly, without one exception it goes without saying: that's a reliable service.

Stewart: Were you invested at all in the score you would get?

Eshaghoff: Oh yeah, absolutely. Just like any other business person, you wanna have a good track record, right? And essentially like my whole clientele were based on word of mouth and like a referral system. So as soon as I, like, as soon as I saved one kid's life...

Link

An Illinois man sued Pepsi in 2009 after he claims he “spat out the soda to reveal a dead mouse,” the Madison County Record reports. He claims he sent the mouse to Pepsi, which then “destroyed” the remains after he allowed them to test it, according to his complaint. Most shudder-worthy, however, is that Pepsi’s lawyers also found experts to testify, based on the state of the remains sent to them that, “the mouse would have dissolved in the soda had it been in the can from the time of its bottling until the day the plaintiff drank it,” according to the Record. (It would have become a “jelly-like substance,” according to Pepsi, adds LegalNewsline.) This seems like a winning-the-battle-while-surrendering-the-war kind of strategy that hinges on winning the argument that “our product is essentially a can of battery acid.”

Under this argument, if there had been a mouse corpse in the can of Mountain Dew that you’re holding right now, you’d never know.

Link -via Say Uncle | Photo: Flickr user Like the Grand Canyon

Store staff called police.

Fuller was later charged with attempting to obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument, both felonies, court records show.

A warrant says of the fake million-dollar bill: “There is no such thing.”

The largest bill in circulation is a $100 bill. In 1969, federal officials discontinued the use of $500, $1,000, $5,000 and $10,000 bills because of lack of public use.

The largest note ever printed was the $100,000 bill, which featured President Woodrow Wilson. The bills, which were not available to the public, were printed from Dec. 18, 1934, through Jan. 9, 1935, and were used for transactions between Federal Reserve banks.

Link -via Stuff | Photo: Deborah Fitchett

The employees who were arrested for stashing the stuff claim that it was being reserved for a staff New Years party. Here’s why the St. Petersburg police were after the caviar:

Most of the red caviar was from salmon, but 38 kilograms (84 pounds) of the stash was black caviar from sturgeon, an endangered fish. Amid heavy restrictions on sturgeon fishing, black caviar is increasingly produced and sold illegally.

A day after the morgue discovery, St. Petersburg police said they seized an additional 100 kilograms (220 pounds) intended for illegal sale at local markets.

On Friday, the Interfax news agency reported that border guards in the eastern Ukraine city of Kharkiv confiscated 249 cans of caviar worth almost $22,000 that was allegedly being smuggled from Russia to Ukraine.

In the far eastern region of Khabarovsk, a vehicle inspection turned up 500 kilograms (1,100 pounds) of caviar, leading police on a weeklong investigation, the ITAR-Tass news agency reported. They raided a village home on Friday and found another 26 kilograms (57 pounds).

At two different spots along the Amur River basin, police found 47 sturgeon carcasses and 2.5 tons of live sturgeon. Sturgeon fishing in the Amur basin is prohibited.

Apparently, the war on drugs in Russia includes battling the sale of illegal caviar. I wonder if they have dogs trained to sniff out the fishy stuff?

Link

The blokes in these pics aren’t characters from a Guy Ritchie movie, they’re real-life British gangsters, captured in intimate moments by Jocelyn Bain Hogg, presumably between heists.

These photos show us a rare, intimate glimpse into their lives-relaxing, cutting loose at a disco, or acting out physically like their usual, maniacal selves.

There’s an energy in these photos, an edginess that makes you want to look away, but then you’d be missing out on a moment you might not have the chance to witness ever again.

Link –image credit: Jocelyn Bain Hogg, The Firm

In the non-fictional world, our world, Marvel is taking the position that mutants are not humans at all. But this isn’t an ideological or a moral stance. Instead, it is a financial one. Toys manufactured in other countries and imported into the US are subject to taxes, but those taxes are lower if the toys represent non-human characters. That has led to Marvel lawyers arguing that an action figure representing, say, Wolverine, is actually “representing animals or other non-human creatures (for example, robots and monsters).”

Link -via Nerd Bastards | Image: deviantART user Fandias

Police Sgt. Jon Arnold said the woman hid in a closet with a laptop to post her plea for help on the social networking website, saying she and her son would be “dead by morning” if they were not rescued.

The post prompted someone to call police, who went to the home to check on the woman’s welfare.

“Facebook was her only outlet that she had at the home,” Arnold said. “It just happened that she was able to use it.”

Police arrested Troy Reed Critchfield, 33, and booked him into jail Saturday for investigation of aggravated kidnapping, forcible sodomy, aggravated assault, domestic violence, child abuse, animal cruelty and other charges.

Critchfield was on probation for charges related to a domestic violence incident. Link -via The Daily What

(Image credit: Salt Lake County Jail)

“When I pulled it out of his waistband I started laughing,” said Mothershead. “I said, ‘Man, you came in here with a fake gun?’”

Mothershead said he dragged the man over to a desk and held him down with one hand and called 911 with the other. [...]

“He kind of begged me, begged me to let him go,” Mothershead said. “I said, ‘You came in and tried to rob us. You’re going to jail.’”

Then, to add magnificent insult to injury, the clerk decided that the robber should find something useful to do while waiting for the police. Specifically, clean his own blood off the floor:

While they waited for police and paramedics, Mothershead gave Hendi a roll of power towels, sprayed the floor with cleaner and told him to clean up his own blood.

There’s a video of the whupping at the link.

Link -via Ace of Spades HQ

An unknown man approached a 62-year-old woman as she was walking her dog just before 10 a.m. on the 100 block of Dakota. The man demanded the woman she give him everything she had, and he said that if she didn’t, he would kick her dog.

The woman handed him a bag and the suspect fled. Unbeknownst to the suspect, the bag she gave him contained her dog’s feces.

Link -via Dave Barry | Photo: Flickr user Ambernectar 13

Do you remember that coworker who was always on break? He’s now turned to crime:

Authorities say a Tampa Bay area man ordered a beer at a bar, left to rob a nearby bank then came back to finish his beer. [...]

A bartender there said Whittle ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes and then returned to his beer. Deputies say they arrested at the bar about 10 minutes after he left the bank.

Link -via Dave Barry | Photo (unrelated) by Flickr user Ty Nigh

Previously: Bank Robber Stops for Lunch Nearby

At one point, the man fired a shot but missed the enraged octogenarian, who turns 81 on Thursday. Speaking in Spanish from the porch of her home Wednesday, yards from the scene of the incident, Lopez said she blindly charged against the gunman after seeing her daughter lying on the circular driveway, bleeding from her face. [...]

“I thought she was dead,” Lopez said. “I yelled at [the gunman], ‘I am going to kill you, [son of a b----]!’ I wasn’t myself. To me, she was dead.”

The robber prudently fled before getting thrashed.

Link -via Say Uncle | Photo (unrelated) via Flickr user ken ratcliff

But as the officer started to leave, “He sees the two suspects trying to flag him down in the parking lot,” Young said, “and he goes over to their location and realizes that their vehicle has actually been burglarized.”

From a distance, surveillance video caught what appears to be a man in a red sweater scoping out Alexander’s truck and he eventually gets inside.

“They ended up having their stereo and amplifier, a drum machine and some cigarettes stolen from their vehicle,” Young said.

Link -via Dave Barry | Photo: Flickr user Guerrilla Futures/Jason Tester

Police called Hall into the station and issued him a citation. Hall denied any involvement with the vandalism, but when asked to write the sentence “You are a slut,” on a piece of paper, Hall wrote “You are a sult,” instead. The misspelling matched that of the vandalism.

Stay in school, kids, and pay attention in English class. It pays off in the long run.

Link -via Althouse | Photo: Flickr user Shayne Kaye

The thefts, band leaders say, are probably attributable to Southern California’s banda music craze and to the high prices the brass instruments fetch on the black market.

A new tuba can cost upwards of $5,000, while a used instrument can cost $2,000.

In the comments, suggest more absurd reasons why criminals would want to steal a large number of tubas.

Link -via Ace of Spades HQ | Photo: Flickr user Darin Barry

Police reports state that the thieves greased the train track beforehand, causing the 54-wagon vehicle to slow down due to uneasy controls. The criminals then proceeded to use a tow truck to remove the containers of corn.

The a-maizing highjacking went smooth as silk, so it is believed the kernel of truth is that the thieves stalked the train ahead of time. Link -via Arbroath, whose commenters provided the puns.

Kootenai County Sheriff’s Department officials said at the time of Abbey’s arrest that he threatened to stab Baker.

Baker, of Spokane Valley, left the bar to avoid a fight, but Abbey followed him outside and toward a marina, hurling racial slurs.

According to a sheriff’s department report, “Baker stated Abbey told him ‘blacks’ were not welcome in Bayview and he had better leave before something happened.”

Abbey then poked Baker in the chest, the report said.

Baker told sheriff’s investigators that he felt threatened as Abbey followed him, wouldn’t leave him alone, and he instinctively punched Abbey in self-defense.

“Baker stated Abbey immediately fell to the ground and did not get up,” the report said.

Link -via Dave Barry | Photo: Flickr user Todd Huffman