George O’Donnell died last week, leaving three daughters and dozens of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. His family wrote wrote his obituary, which runs ten paragraphs and tells quite a tale. It begins:
George O’Donnell died at his home in McKinleyville, California on May 12, 2016 at the age of 86. He left behind gallons of bourbon, vodka and gin that we have no idea what to do with as we are all sober. He was self-indulgent, kind and curious, fond of jokes and unexplainable phenomenon. He believed in UFOs and liked to contemplate the vastness of the universe. He was very proud of the dysfunctional family he left behind.
The rest is a description of the life he led, full of drinking, gambling, and womanizing, all of which he was apparently very good at.
Moving to McKinleyville to live with his daughter, he continued a consistent routine of washing down his morning vitamins with screwdrivers, starting on martinis at noon and finishing each evening with Manhattans. He called his friend Mickey almost daily to bet on a game. He loved football, the Padres, chocolate, Amy’s toaster pops, Sidney Sheldon novels, tabloids, game shows, the Playboy channel, and Lifetime Movie Network. His fondness for John Wayne movies was surpassed only by his love of fried chicken and reruns of Johnny Carson. His favorite show, Deal or No Deal, combined his major life interests of beautiful women and gambling.
The whole thing is well worth a read, right up to the part where the survivors admit they don’t know what to do with his ashes. -via reddit