The Worst Possible Online Dating Profile

As an experiment, Cracked writer Alli Reed composed a fictitious but truly awful online dating profile. Her goal was to to create a persona that was truly despicable and that no one would ever consider dating:

In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging just for funzies. I maintain that there is not a human on this planet who would read this profile and think, "Yes, I'd like to spend any amount of the fleeting time I'm given on my journey around the sun getting to know this person." 

As you can see, she put a lot of thought into how truly offensive she could be. Her persona, aaroncarterfan, is despicable. She openly brags of engaging in paternity fraud and harassing homeless people.

But within a day, she received 150 responses from interested men. In their online conversations, she did her best to convey the impression that aaroncarterfan would be the worst possible girlfriend. She was unsuccessful. You can read them here.


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It's a numbers game. The internet is just real life, multiplied exponentially. If an average woman met, say, 50 guys in real life over time, at least one will care about nothing but sex, and will let her know it (maybe more; YMMV). On a dating site, her profile may be seen by a million guys, which will lead to 150 creeps who just go for it and don't care.

But if she had a nice profile, she'd also hear from many sincere fellows, whether they're a good match or not.
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That's true, but since she's already openly brags of engaging in paternity fraud, only the most short-sighted of men would be interested in her for casual sex.

I did some online dating twelve years ago, when I was single. I found it a productive experience, even in those early days of the internet.
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Well duh. This is not the "worst possible profile," because the picture looks good. But if she were to post the same thing with a really ugly picture, she'd still get responses. There are guys who assume that IF you have a profile on a dating site, that in itself signals that you MIGHT be willing to have sex with them.

No, I've never posted on a dating site. I looked at one when I was single, and when I narrowed it to local guys, I found I knew most of them already. And their ex-wives.
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Check out Twaggies' very funny clip:

Give a Man a Fish - Twaggies by Twaggies
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