A few years ago, I decided to grow sideburns. My wife said no--and quite firmly. She said they would not be suitable for my workplace. Since compromise is part of a healthy marriage, I offered to meet her halfway: I would grow only one sideburn and let her choose which side. She rejected this proposal with even greater emphasis than my initial idea.
Perhaps she would have been amenable to animal-shaped sideburns, such as these dinosaurs sported by redditor SweenWSweens.