Man Uses Obituary for Confession

Val Patterson of Salt Lake City, Utah, prepared his own obituary ahead of time. In it, he got a lot of things off his chest. As in, secrets he had kept for many years.
Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say. As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters "PhD" even stood for. For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, I'm sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work. Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again. To Disneyland - you can now throw away that "Banned for Life" file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.

If this sort of thing catches on, it may make the obituary column the most popular part of newspaper sites. Link -via Sun News

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I gotta admit I'm somewhat tempted to do a confession obituary. However, now that I think about it, I don't want anyone to find that confession before I die, so the whole thing is too risky.
Maybe some mysteries are better left as mysteries.
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@Sandi Cracky I can spell PhD but it seems you can't spell argument. Never, EVER post on spelling without running your post through the spell checker.
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