Forget Tiger Moms! The secret to raising great, well-behaved kids is ... being French!
Pamela Druckerman explains why French parents are superior:
Why was it, for example, that in the hundreds of hours I'd clocked at French playgrounds, I'd never seen a child (except my own) throw a temper tantrum? Why didn't my French friends ever need to rush off the phone because their kids were demanding something? Why hadn't their living rooms been taken over by teepees and toy kitchens, the way ours had?
Soon it became clear to me that quietly and en masse, French parents were achieving outcomes that created a whole different atmosphere for family life. When American families visited our home, the parents usually spent much of the visit refereeing their kids' spats, helping their toddlers do laps around the kitchen island, or getting down on the floor to build Lego villages. When French friends visited, by contrast, the grownups had coffee and the children played happily by themselves.
By the end of our ruined beach holiday, I decided to figure out what French parents were doing differently. Why didn't French children throw food? And why weren't their parents shouting? Could I change my wiring and get the same results with my own offspring?
Driven partly by maternal desperation, I have spent the last several years investigating French parenting. And now, with Bean 6 years old and twins who are 3, I can tell you this: The French aren't perfect, but they have some parenting secrets that really do work.
If you've got kids that don't listen to you, this is the one post to read today: Link
Have lived in France for over 20 years and the article does not represent the way the French raise their kids.
It might represent that the author knows people in her circle who think the same way she does and so she decided to cash in and add yet another American-bashing book to the list. How original of her.
I recently went to an Ikea in France and the brats were treating the store like a playground. They were jumping on the beds, pulling on displays, running in the aisles. I know because I was in the store about 20 minutes and had at least 10 brats run right into me without so much as an excuse me from them or their parents, who watched with vacant ''I don't care what my children do'' looks on their faces. It was unbelievable. I left as soon as I could find the darn exit.
As for the person above who claims that the French brutalize their children, I can tell you that no such thing is the norm.
The French media sometimes debate whether a smack on occasion would really be all that harmful, but if that person's father was violent, it was not the norm.
Many years ago, the French did indeed use a small whip-like instrument to punish their children. It was a deterrent.l If you don't behave, I'll get the little whip.
I'd say that it went totally out of style (and is no longer sold much anywhere) at least 25 years now.
This woman is just cashing in, and why not? There is a string of bestsellers about France, living in France, what have you.
French kids can be holy terrors, and so can their parents. I've seen just as much screaming, whining, spanking and slapping here as I did with kids in the US. I really don't think there is superior parenting going on here. Maybe just a hell of a lot more threats not to act up in public!
As for being able to criticize other people's parenting-- just try it. French parents are as defensive as Americans. Their kids can do no wrong, and they'll let you know it but quick.
I will agree on the foodways, because it is just different here. Nobody wants to eat in the car, and they usually don't have to-- they have TIME to eat. Family is still important, and eating/everything arounf eating is a big part of the culture.
You might say as well that the author is part of a certain class of people, the "nouvelle bourgeoisie" if you will. Yeah, they're the ones with full-time nannies and maids and a host of other people raising their children most of the time. So it's maybe a little easier to be patient, non?
Having said that, the girl I looked after was still very good at eating vegetables. I think the reason there is that lunch/dinner time in France is always a family sit-down-at-the-table affair, and vegetables are integrated into childrens diet at a very early age (real vegetables from the market too!) Also you're expected to stay at the table for hours to eat and chat, not like the British/American way of getting dinner out of the way as quickly as possible.
I cringed when I saw your link. I've stopped reading this blog a long time ago, because of Laurel's notorious propensity of drawing and talking waaay to much about herself, especially about some private things I don't want to know. Therefore, at that time, you could find many trolls attacking her on these things, as well as lost souls full of "empathy", craving for attention and explaining to everybody how harsh was their childhood. Of course, the veracity of these stories was impossible to verify. So, I'm not sure this kind of site is the good place to make an objective opinion.
About levels of brutality: I guess it's the case. I have personally never witnessed anybody brutally chastising his child in public. Not ever a slap. I mean, a violent slap, the noisy, hurting one that makes the kid's face turn. But yes, catching a kid by the arm, shaking him and looking him in the eyes, with a harsh remind of where the authority is, you can see. My friends do that with their kids. Daddy or mommy, with the approval of the other parent. A thing of last resort, often with a mix of anger and fear. You know, when you kid absolutely doesn't want to hear you, tests your authority and keeps playing silly near the busy road or way to close from the edge of the terrace, 6 meters above the ground. Or starts to throw a tantrum, even if I've rarely seen this.
I have lived this kind of situation. No trauma, thanks.
But of course, I'm talking about the people I know, educated middle-class with on social issues (even if child abuse doesn't correlate with social situation).
And of course, you don't have to even touch a kid to break him, you know, moral abuse (worst, I think).
I call for bulls**t.
Either you are trolling hard, or it is real, and your experience is well to narrow to mean anything.
Try beating your kids in France, and you may discover why our prisons are considered the worst of the western world.
First, you need to look at the differences in work culture. Americans live in a society of instant gratification and it's not just the kids that need to be told 'no'. You spend all day working for someone who demands everything "right now", constantly rushed around, being forced to respond immediately to cell phones and e-mails, get barely 15min in the middle of the day for lunch and the idea of having to wait for something gets drilled out of you.
Second, you need to realize that there exists this culture in America where you DO NOT under any circumstances criticize a parent. If you see someone watching while their little monster carves up the family cat with a letter opener and express the slightest bit of disapproval, the response is always "Well you're not a parent so you don't know"... even to another parent! The idea of "you can't judge me" has invaded every part of American culture, but this is perhaps where it does the most harm.