I was almost 40 when my youngest child was born. Being an older mom isn't easy, but I personally have nothing to compare it to. New York Magazine has an extensive article on the growing number of women in their 50s and 60s who, with the help of modern technology, are becoming mothers for the first time. Some people think it's creepy, others are concerned about the children, and obstetricians worry about health problems. But some research finds a bright side.
Link -via The Frisky
(Image credit: Wayne Lawrence/Institute for Artist Management)
In 2008, Brad Van Voorhis, head of the fertility clinic at the University of Iowa, decided he wanted to measure how well children conceived through in vitro fertilization do on intelligence tests, hoping to dispel lingering concerns about their cognitive abilities. So he and his team compared the standardized-test scores of 463 IVF kids ages 8 to 17 against the scores of other kids in their classes. They found that the IVF kids scored better overall and in every category of test—reading, math, and language skills. And they found that the older the mother, the better the kid performed.
Van Voorhis guesses that the children of older mothers outperform their peers because the mothers, who’ve waited so long to have them, are more engaged. It’s a recipe for success: “Fewer kids at home, more attention to the kids they do have, and more money to devote to their education.” Other studies corroborate these findings. In research published in the journal Fertility and Sterility in 2007, Richard Paulson, head of the fertility program at the University of Southern California, found that mothers in their fifties reported less parental stress than those in their thirties and forties, the same level of mental functioning, and the same perception of fatigue. The fiftysomething women in his small national sample, incidentally, were also less likely than their counterparts to employ a nanny. They are more checked in.
Link -via The Frisky
(Image credit: Wayne Lawrence/Institute for Artist Management)
At the rate we're going and the luck we've had TTC, I'll be 50 before we have kids..... sigh
Of course this is a largely unconscious realization earned through a life-time of suffering ego-driven disasters.
I see no issue with having children when you are older, in fact I see it as an advantage. The parent is usually more secure in their life and know what they want and where they are at in their life. It seems that they have thought out the consequences of becoming a parent more so than a younger one might have.
Lots of funerals during my teenage years.
Of course all the old people died - as a kid, I was allowed to become attached to grandparents, great-aunts and great-uncles, and of course none of them lived to see me graduate high school.
But also there were "early" deaths - people don't expect to die in their 40s and 50s, but it happens.
A lot.
My memories are clouded by grief. I see my grandfather smiling in photographs and I simply can't remember him except as he was after he lost his wife and his sisters. I remember lots of grief. I missed all the good times - I see in the photographs that there were good times, but they waited until they were through living to have me join them.
It makes me angry because I remember having this huge family when I was a kid - I remember crowded Thanksgiving dinners, and I simply can't reconcile this with not having anyone left alive to invite to my wedding.
I'm sure you could get mostly the same study results by looking at 20 something mom's from families with old school money.
There's numerous reasons nature makes it hard to juice up a 45+ year old ovum.
My father was retired from his job by the time that I was in second grade. It seemed as though they had more time to spend with me. During most of my life, both of my parents were accessible at home to take me to sports games or other after school activities. At times, I think that they were rather overprotective.
It made some things harder. They weren't quite able to go outside and play with me much. I do remember my mom coming out and building snowmen with me and trying to play catch with me for softball.
I do remember attending a few funerals as a small child,, as there were a good number of older relatives in my family. I think that I was introduced to my first funeral before I was in kindergarten. I was only able to meet my maternal grandmother as all of my other grandparents had passed away before I came along.
I was somewhat young when I lost my parents. I was 25 when my mother (71) passed away and my father (86) passed away when I was 28. I would have loved to have had them around for a bit longer. They were at least able to see me graduate from high school, but I missed having them at my college graduation (I went to college late because I was looking after my parents for a bit) in 2007 and my wedding in 2010. Plenty of people talk of the dead "being there in spirit," but that's cold comfort and just not the same.