Conan O'Brien Delivered a Commencement Address



And it was quite good! Commencement addresses tend to range from tedious to unbearable, but O'Brien's speech before the graduates of Dartmouth College was both funny and practical:

Eleven years ago I gave an address to a graduating class at Harvard. I have not spoken at a graduation since because I thought I had nothing left to say. But then 2010 came. And now I'm here, three thousand miles from my home, because I learned a hard but profound lesson last year and I'd like to share it with you. In 2000, I told graduates "Don't be afraid to fail." Well now I'm here to tell you that, though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Nietzsche famously said "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you. Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like yourselves it is disorienting. What Nietzsche should have said is "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning."


Video Link and Transcript -via Ace of Spades HQ

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I'd love to take this poor economy as a chance to follow my dreams. but unfortunately, unlike Conan, I don't have $75 million dollars to just do whatever the hell I want for a year. Thanks for the good advice.
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In order to have "graduates" you need to have a certain number of "drop-outs" and "never-wents". Or the term would be utterly meaningless. Therefor, as a drop-out, you can thank me for your status. Oh that's right, you forced me out. I almost forgot. You set the criteria and the limitations such that only a fraction of all entries to the strainer would pour out the bottom while the rest get stuck up in your meshwork. But that's how you designed it to be expedient and selecting the 'talent' you needed to support your industrial machine.
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Check out Twaggies' very funny clip:

Give a Man a Fish - Twaggies by Twaggies
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