Male vs. Female Friends

Just because guys don't sit around and share their deepest feelings, it doesn't mean that male friendships are inferior to female friendships:

"If we use a women's paradigm for friendship, we're making a mistake," says Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland's School of Social Work, who has studied how 386 men made, kept and nurtured friendships. Men might not be physically or emotionally expressive, he says, but we derive great support from our friendships.

Researchers say women's friendships are face to face: They talk, cry together, share secrets. Men's friendships are side by side: We play golf. We go to football games. [...]

A woman from Wisconsin wrote to me recently to say that she effortlessly shares intimate feelings with her friends. That's in great contrast to her husband. He recently went on a fishing trip to Canada with four longtime friends. And so she wondered: What did they talk about for a whole week? She knew one of the men had problems at work. Another's daughter was getting married. The third man has health problems. Her husband said none of those issues came up. She couldn't believe it.

She told him: "Two female strangers in a public restroom would share more personal information in five minutes than you guys talked about in a week!"

Sounds about right! Link


Just because guys don’t sit around and share their deepest feelings, it doesn’t mean that male friendships are inferior to female friendships:

> assuming anyone claimed that
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while i am female, i only have male friends and the girls i know are not exactly feminine to begin with.
and in my opinions, they easily make far better friends, yes.
Because i'd rather have an intelligent conversations, hehe!
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Like many things this is culture bound (so don't expect these friendship paradigms to be universal) and greatly generalizes. Who is the sample? White middle class people with enough money to participate in fishing vacations and buy golf equipment?

Women and men have friendships of all varieties and types. Not all women want to talk to strangers in a bathroom. Yuck. Furthermore, men get together and share emotions in some groups. Women get together only to work on projects in other groups or participate in sports, etc.

You cannot boil people down this simply. There is not one set of men and one of women. However, writing about that is far less compelling or interesting. Researching everyone is impossible. I dislike these studies like this greatly.
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"Two female strangers in a public restroom would share more personal information in five minutes than you guys talked about in a week!"

That's very Anglo- or Americano centric.
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I'm a female and I don't want to do that bonding "deep" crud with my friends. What the hell...
And if anyone starts getting all open about their love/feminine problems... good friggin grief, tell it to your OBGYN, not me.
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As a woman, I'd prefer male type friendships, and it's hard to find a female friend who will walk beside, not get too touchy-feelie, and keep conversations about stuff, instead of deep emotions.
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Yeah, I agree that article makes some really sweeping generalizations, but WHAT is up with all the girly-friendship hate? I'm a reasonably mature grown woman, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I have really deep-bonding touchy-feelie relationships with several women and a couple of guys. I didn't know I was so weird for that...

Anyway...article is fairly ridiculous.
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Hmmm, most of my friendships are with guys. It's fun to go do girly things with my female friends once in a while, but I much prefer the non-deep emotional conversation. In fact, the only person I have those types of conversations with is my husband, because he is the only person in my life who knows my deepest, darkest secrets. There's stuff I won't even tell my mother even though we get along pretty well.
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Most of my friends are guys and, like many above, I'd prefer the intelligent, not so emotional conversations. Guys are more logical rather than emotional. (I annoy myself when I get emotional and can't help it - it's a curse.)

Comparing men and women are like comparing apples and oranges. Yes, they're both fruit, otherwise completely different.
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I think the article hit the nail squarely on the head. Men don't talk about the things women feel are important. An example:
A woman hears the news that someone's daughter had a baby. She wants to know every detail. How long was the labor? How big was the kid? What do they look like? What did they name it? etc. etc.
A man hears the same news and probably doesn't ask any questions.
My wife always gets upset when I don't have any details of something I'm told. I don't understand why people are upset when they are told men and women are different. Men and women are completely different in so many ways. That's just the nature of things.
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@Courageous Grace

That's interesting, because I look for the emotional point of view of a woman to find a more enriched friendship. But it's interesting that I've found that my female friends are all looking for that connection with another woman that she could concider a close friend that they havn't been able to find yet.
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I was riding a shuttle back to my apartment and this lady med student began inquiring to her seatmate about her boyfriend and also spoke about her own relationship with her hubby. I heard their conversation clearly and they did not seem to be old acquaintances or close friends. Sort of weird/cringe-inducing hearing the details (which were benign).
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My wife and I generally fit these patterns, but we each enjoy the other types of friendships too. I have one guy friend with whom I enjoy talking about family, jobs, etc. His wife is my wife's best friend and they love talking about the so-called "girl talk." However, my wife hates going to sporting events with this friend because my wife just wants to enjoy the game (like a guy, I guess) and her friend wants to talk family and feelings through the whole game. .
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I agree with the two styles. But instead of thinking of them as Male and Female relationships, I think of them as masculine and feminine. As a male, I have both, but I lean strongly towards male relationships. I know males who lean towards female relationships as well. The relationships themselves have either feminine or masculine qualities. It does not mean that Men have strictly male relationships and females have strictly female relationships.
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"Two female strangers in a public restroom would share more personal information in five minutes than you guys talked about in a week!"

...and that's why many men don't trust women. Not only do some women habitually do this, they do it with their partner's confidences. Eventually, the partner stops confiding in those women. Shocking, eh?

Men are often very private. Intimacy opens that up; it's quite a shock when that turns into public information, though. Tends to modify behavior a bit.
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I appreciate the women who do not seek out 'female bonding' & hats of the courageous Grace for being close to her husband. I just found out that my wife 'bonded' (got intimate)a little to much with her girlfriend that she can talk to for hours and completely ignore me in the process. Ironicaly when we were dating she said she liked my stoicism. I do not make friends easily or lightly but I expect spouses to be best friends. Now we are faced with possible divorce due to her wanderings, we have four children together whos lives I do not want to ruin. So to all you females seeking deeper relationships with other females....keep your hands to yourself and go talk to your hubby... he might not respond like your girlfriend but he is the only one you should deeply bond with.
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