Caption Monkey 67: Mum’s the Word

“oh god, why does this keep happening?”

Another group of graduates welcome the end of mummy school

World’s Worst School Play: Teeth Hygiene, The Musical!

Casting call for the new Disney movie “I was a Pre-teen mummy”

Or

Lady Gaga’s new children’s clothes line up at her fall fashion show.

You are going to stand here like this until you tell me, Who pooped the apple on the floor?

Living Dead High School, Class of 2020.

No one said we were supposed to TP the neighbor’s tree. We thought you wanted us to TP the neighbors.

A rare glimpse into the world of Cub Scout hazing rituals!

Temporarily safe from attach by tricking the Zombies, Aaron saw the apple at his feet and his stomach started growling.

And next, kids, here comes the poo!

I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.
I will wipe more at bathroom time.

Unable to locate the anticipated mummies from his latest dig, Zahi Hawass snaps, gathering children at gunpoint from a nearby school, forcing them to wrap themselves with toilet paper.

I need TP for my bunghole!

Just when Bobby thought health class couldn’t make him feel any more uncomfortable, Ms. Frizby cast the boys in her one act play “Stay Free! The Wonders of Feminine Hygiene”.

The new ninjas: Still working out the kinks.

“This is what happens to potty mouths, you don’t want to see what we do to shit-heads”

Jimmy always the overachiever designed a floor length gown while the rest of the gang went for cocktail and casual wear.

I don’t CARE if it’s raining, dammit! Your mother worked hard on these costumes and you WILL wear them trick-or-treating! They’re 3-ply, for chrissakes…you kids are so ungrateful. When I was a boy, I didn’t even GET TP to use for my mummy costume…I had to use notebook paper. Now get your undead tushes out there and get some candy!!!

Both impulsive and indiscriminate, Travis the school bully spotted a token of affection on the 4th grade teacher’s desk and inflicted his unique brand of unholy terror onto any child he suspected of being Miss Harrison’s “pet.” In the aftermath, as the victims stood before Vice Principal Larson, the Granny Smith in question was hesitantly placed at their feet. No one had the courage — or senselessness, for that matter — to claim ownership.

psst..you have something stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

Roll call at the Miss Ancient Egypt Jr. beauty pageant before the winner was awarded a special spot on the throne, wrapping up this year’s competition.

Waste not, wipe not.

Dammit Neatorama, since when are burn victims fair game for jokes?!

The gift-wrapping tutorial at the mall took a turn for the worse when the trainees ran out of regular gift paper.

Spokane Elementary’s entry into the school district’s rap competition misses the point in spectacular fashion.

OK! Whos idea was it to bob for an apple in the toilet and the best approach was to sneek up on it?

We are sick and tired of you humans biting into our apple homes then treating them as trash. We appear before to seek peace or revenge, your choice. – the worm council.

“I want my Mummy”

Well, if you insist on being little turds…

We’re sorry Mummy

“We want to see wild things too!!!”

Why the Mummy got a bigger budget: the original auditionees for the role of the mummy finally convinced the stingy producers that they needed lots of CGI.

Hi! We’re the “mountain money” mummies.

Hi! We’re the sh#t ticket bunch! give us your TP now! throwing apples for fiber will do you no good!

They knew Kevin was odd but no-one suspected how odd until he turned up at the ‘Scary Monsters Night’ dressed as an apple.

With his hostages securely wrapped in silk, Spider Man calmly takes a Prozac, sips a Kane West Cognac, and places a call to Larry King to negotiate terms of release.

I can fix this. Billy, you can go as a mummy. Johnny, you’re a burn victim. Peter, you’re a really bad stunt man who’s recovering in the ICU. Craig, you’re a ninja who’s been sent to Alaska. And Timmy, you can be Mumm-Ra from Thundercats. What’s that? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO THE THUNDERCATS ARE, JUST ENJOY THE DAMN HALLOWEEN PARTY.

The Cooties scare had gone epidemic.

(edit)
“We swear, WE’LL LIFT THE SEAT NEXT TIME!!”
Mom decided that the boys had finally learned their lesson.

Payback’s a Birch.