The following is an article
from Uncle John's Supremely
Satisfying Bathroom Reader
Tired of Top 10 lists? Well, here's the cure: Bottom 10 Records, from
the good folks at Bathroom Reader Institute. Behold, the official BRI
countdown - and they do mean down. These don't sink any lower, folks ...
These records are so bad, they're good!
10. EILERT PILARM: Greatest Hits
Anyone who's expecting this Swedish impersonator to resemble the King
will be very disappointed. Wearing white leather and rhinestones, he comes
across like somebody's Uncle Olaf after a drunken weekend in Vegas. His
singing sounds as if he hit puberty around age 60. Our favorite: "Yailhouse
Wanna hear it? Visit Eilert
Pilarm's MySpace webpage.
9. MAE WEST: Way Out West
Photo: bradleyloos [Flickr]
Is that an electric guitar in your pocket or are you just glad to see
me? On this 1969 album, the then-70-year-old former sex symbol tries to
prove she's still relevant by talking her way through rock classics like
"Day Tripper" and "Twist and Shout."
Wanna hear it? Here's the YouTube
8. PADDY ROBERTS: Songs for Gay Dogs
Roberts sing about the sex life of fish in "Virgin Sturgeon"
and serves up a steaming pile of potty humor with "Don't Use the
WC," a song about dirty bathrooms. It's not just in bad taste - it's
bad. By the way, this LP has nothing to do with Spot's alternative lifestyle.
So what does the title mean? Well, most of the songs are drinking songs
- maybe he was under the influence when he picked it.
Wanna hear it? Amazon
has the sampler.
7. SAMMY PETRILLO: My Son, the Phone
Media Funhouse interviews Sammy Petrillo [YouTube
Clip], with a sample at the end
Petrillo was an awful Jerry Lewis impersonator who starred in a few el
cheapo flicks, including the memorable Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn
Gorilla. This album features him doing moronic phone pranks like
calling hospitals and saying that he's got a pregnant pet gorilla in labor,
then asking how to deliver the baby.
6. THE NATIONAL GALLERY: Performing Musical Interpretations
of the Paintings of Paul Klee
Four beatniks from Cleveland introduce us to the German Expressionist
painter by performing "rock-art" song versions of his paintings.
Complete with acid-drenched lyrics like "Boys with toys, alone in
the attic / Choking his hobby horse, thinking of his mother."
Want to hear it? Check it out at Frank's
5. HELEN GURLEY BROWN: Lessons in Love
of Cosmopolitan magazine gives advice to swinging singles on
the finer points of adultery. It may have been edgy back in 1963, but
today it sounds like Martha Stewart reading Affairs for Dummies.
Side 1 (for men) covers topics like "How to get a girl to the brink
and ... keep her there when you're not going to marry her."
4. LITTLE MARCY: Little Marcy Visits Smokey the
A creepy singing ventriloquist's dummy visits Smokey and his animal pals
in the woods. Part of an evangelical Christian children's act, Little
Marcy had an eerie grin and a high-pitched singing voice that were probably
responsible for frightening thousands of kids into becoming atheists.
Wanna find out more? Visit Little
Marcy's MySpace page (Don't miss the Devil Devil Go Away)
3. MR. METHANE: Mr. Methane.com
The masked Mr. Methane is a "fartiste" in the style of Frenchman
Le Petomaine. He breaks new wind by pooting his way through classics like
"The Blue Danube," Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, and "Greensleeves,"
proving conclusively that he doesn't have to be silent to be deadly.
Wanna hear more? Check out the official Mr.
2. LUCIA PAMELA: Into Outer Space with Lucia Pamela
A former Miss St. Louis, Pamela claims that she and her band flew to
the moon in her own rocket ship to record this concept album about her
trip to "Moontown." Sounding like an off-key Ethel Merman, she
clucks like a chicken when she forgets the words.
Wanna hear it? Check it out at Lala
1. MUHAMMAD ALI: The Adventures of Ali and His
Gang vs. Tooth Decay
Recorded in 1976. Ali assembled an all-star bicentennial cast, including
Frank Sinatra, Richie Havens, and Howard Cosell, for this "Fight
of the Century" against Mr. Tooth Decay and his evil sidekick, Sugar
Cuba. Old Blue Eyes sounds like he's working on his fifth martini as a
shopkeeper who offers Ali's gang of hyperactive kids free ice cream. The
Champ sends Frankie packing back to Vegas to "tell Sammy, and all
them cats like old Dino" about the horrors of periodontal disease.
Wanna hear it? Check it out at Frank's