The following is an article from Uncle John's Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader Tired of Top 10 lists? Well, here's the cure: Bottom 10 Records, from the good folks at Bathroom Reader Institute. Behold, the official BRI countdown - and they do mean down. These don't sink any lower, folks ... These records are so bad, they're good!
10. EILERT PILARM: Greatest Hits Anyone who's expecting this Swedish impersonator to resemble the King will be very disappointed. Wearing white leather and rhinestones, he comes across like somebody's Uncle Olaf after a drunken weekend in Vegas. His singing sounds as if he hit puberty around age 60. Our favorite: "Yailhouse Rock." Wanna hear it? Visit Eilert Pilarm's MySpace webpage.
9. MAE WEST: Way Out West Photo: bradleyloos [Flickr] Is that an electric guitar in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? On this 1969 album, the then-70-year-old former sex symbol tries to prove she's still relevant by talking her way through rock classics like "Day Tripper" and "Twist and Shout." Wanna hear it? Here's the YouTube clip
8. PADDY ROBERTS: Songs for Gay Dogs Roberts sing about the sex life of fish in "Virgin Sturgeon" and serves up a steaming pile of potty humor with "Don't Use the WC," a song about dirty bathrooms. It's not just in bad taste - it's bad. By the way, this LP has nothing to do with Spot's alternative lifestyle. So what does the title mean? Well, most of the songs are drinking songs - maybe he was under the influence when he picked it. Wanna hear it? Amazon has the sampler.
7. SAMMY PETRILLO: My Son, the Phone Caller
Media Funhouse interviews Sammy Petrillo [YouTube Clip], with a sample at the end Petrillo was an awful Jerry Lewis impersonator who starred in a few el cheapo flicks, including the memorable Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla. This album features him doing moronic phone pranks like calling hospitals and saying that he's got a pregnant pet gorilla in labor, then asking how to deliver the baby.
6. THE NATIONAL GALLERY: Performing Musical Interpretations of the Paintings of Paul Klee Four beatniks from Cleveland introduce us to the German Expressionist painter by performing "rock-art" song versions of his paintings. Complete with acid-drenched lyrics like "Boys with toys, alone in the attic / Choking his hobby horse, thinking of his mother." Want to hear it? Check it out at Frank's Vinyl Museum
5. HELEN GURLEY BROWN: Lessons in Love The editor of Cosmopolitan magazine gives advice to swinging singles on the finer points of adultery. It may have been edgy back in 1963, but today it sounds like Martha Stewart reading Affairs for Dummies. Side 1 (for men) covers topics like "How to get a girl to the brink and ... keep her there when you're not going to marry her."
4. LITTLE MARCY: Little Marcy Visits Smokey the Bear A creepy singing ventriloquist's dummy visits Smokey and his animal pals in the woods. Part of an evangelical Christian children's act, Little Marcy had an eerie grin and a high-pitched singing voice that were probably responsible for frightening thousands of kids into becoming atheists. Wanna find out more? Visit Little Marcy's MySpace page (Don't miss the Devil Devil Go Away)
3. MR. METHANE: Mr. Methane.com
[YouTube Clip] The masked Mr. Methane is a "fartiste" in the style of Frenchman Le Petomaine. He breaks new wind by pooting his way through classics like "The Blue Danube," Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, and "Greensleeves," proving conclusively that he doesn't have to be silent to be deadly. Wanna hear more? Check out the official Mr. Methane website
2. LUCIA PAMELA: Into Outer Space with Lucia Pamela A former Miss St. Louis, Pamela claims that she and her band flew to the moon in her own rocket ship to record this concept album about her trip to "Moontown." Sounding like an off-key Ethel Merman, she clucks like a chicken when she forgets the words. Wanna hear it? Check it out at Lala
1. MUHAMMAD ALI: The Adventures of Ali and His Gang vs. Tooth Decay Recorded in 1976. Ali assembled an all-star bicentennial cast, including Frank Sinatra, Richie Havens, and Howard Cosell, for this "Fight of the Century" against Mr. Tooth Decay and his evil sidekick, Sugar Cuba. Old Blue Eyes sounds like he's working on his fifth martini as a shopkeeper who offers Ali's gang of hyperactive kids free ice cream. The Champ sends Frankie packing back to Vegas to "tell Sammy, and all them cats like old Dino" about the horrors of periodontal disease. Wanna hear it? Check it out at Frank's Vinyl Museum