Comments on: Sleeping In Separate Beds May Help Marriages

By: Sarah Ann

Sarah Ann — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:22:29 +0000

I have only been with my boyfriend for a year, but I noticed a pattern that, when im alone or back at my dorm at college, I do not sleep at all, i sleep less, and am more lethargic. When im with my boyfriend and I sleep next to him, I go to bed at a decent time, wake up at a decent time, and feel well rested the whole next day, it never fails. We share his queen sized bed and never have problems, we even fall asleep holding hands or in each others arms, but I always, always always sleep better next to him.

By: Maria N

Maria N — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:51:44 +0000

I agree with this. First partner (5 years ago now) was desperate for constant contact and it eventualy drove me away from him as I did not sleep for 2 years, if i moved to the other side of the bed he would wake up instantly smack me and pull me back beside him. a NIGHTMARE! My new partner likes alot of space and sleeps in the louge everynight, We spend about an hour saying ‘goodnight’ each evening and then go to our seperate beds. I wake up everymorning missing him and he usuly ends up in my bed before work each day at 5am. Alot more happens in this relationship i assure you! Absense makes the heart grow fonder!

By: ~April

~April — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:45:26 +0000

I guess it depends on the couple. If both are for separate beds, then great. Not so much if only one is.

By: Chuck F

Chuck F — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:46:53 +0000

Trouble is; I get little enough sex from my wife as it is. This way, I’d never get any

By: Sagemind

Sagemind — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:31:26 +0000

My wife is a light sleeper and doesn’t often get a good sleep. She used to send me to the couch when she couldn’t sleep. After a while I noted – why should I suffer because she has issues with sleep. Now she sometimes ends up on the couch for a better sleep.

I like the closeness of a partner in the same bed – I’m thinking of getting a new wife that stays in the same bed!

Morel: Think before you suggest separate beds for your partner!

By: Jenna

Jenna — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:52:50 +0000

This, but I started using earplugs with the highest sound blocking level I could find. It’s taken me a while to get used to them/find a set that don’t hurt my ears, and there are some nights I still have to shake him to roll over (he can still wake me up through 32s wtf). Add the fact that it takes me FOREVER to fall asleep…so I bump up my insurance with a single benedryl every night.

For the most part, I’m sleeping again. King-sized bed helps too.

By: Judith Mitchell

Judith Mitchell — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:45:23 +0000

I tried; Lord knows I tried — to sleep with my LOUDLY SNORING husband; what happened was that I absolutely couldn’t sleep and gradually got crankier and snippier as I got more and more sleep deprived, and all was not well.

Now I sleep in a different room; get to sleep in peace and continuity through the nights, and I am MUCH more pleasant and affectionate and loving. Together now for going on 13 years!

PS — besides, his cat The Baroness, was very jealous of me.

By: Michigan Fur Coats

Michigan Fur Coats — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:56:39 +0000

If you’re not familiar with a good-nights-sleep then you don’t know what you’re missing. If I had to sleep in a sep. bed to sleep good then I definitely would.

By: Seanette

Seanette — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 07:58:54 +0000

A larger bed doesn’t do much good if your spouse is a snorer (mine is). We’re also not always on the same sleep cycle, so sometimes we’re in there at the same time, sometimes not, and it’s far from unheard of for one of us to migrate to the couch if one can’t settle down (such as when one has a bad cold and is snoring a lot or arthritis is making it difficult for one to find a comfortable position) and is disturbing the other.

We did find a partial solution to blanket-stealing. On a double/full size bed, we use the correct size bottom fitted sheet, but have queen-size top flat sheet and blanket so there’s more width of covers available, which did help. We can usually arrive at mutually acceptable temperature, sound, etc.

By: Ali S.

Ali S. — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 21:26:06 +0000

@ Edward

I feel for you man.

By: Christophe

Christophe — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 19:45:45 +0000

I don’t care : I just sleep.

By: Matt

Matt — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:12:39 +0000

I can see this working, but what happens when one of the two partners believes this will help, and the other partner believes this will not? Like what GQ said about seeing it as a sign the relationship was failing, what if her partner didn’t see it that way?

By: Skip

Skip — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:59:48 +0000

Sleep apnea changes everything.

By: Ron Harper

Ron Harper — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:35:45 +0000

Billy Joel had this to say about the subject:

They will tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place
Then they’ll tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it’s okay to wake up with yourself

By: GQ

GQ — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:09:07 +0000

I wouldn’t be at all happy if my partner preferred sleeping alone. if this croppped up early in a relationship I would take it as a sure sign that the relationship wouldn’t last.

I’ve been with my partner for 11 years and we sleep far better together than seperately. Only exception is when one of us is sick and can’t sleep in which case one of use will sleep in the spare room.

By: Average Jane

Average Jane — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:33:09 +0000

My husband and I sleep in the same bed, but on different shifts. I work days and he works nights, so he goes to bed as I’m getting up. It actually works out quite well for us, except that it gets tricky when we go on vacation together.

By: Absent

Absent — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 10:50:11 +0000

Another solution is same bed but separate duvets.

By: D Bozko

D Bozko — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 10:50:04 +0000

There comes a time in marriage, I guess it actually comes with age, when sleep becomes just as important as intimacy. Because of different work schedules I go to bed much earlier than my wife. I like having a fan both to circulate the air and for the white noise effect, my wife hates it. I’m a light sleeper, nothing disturbs her. Even on the weekends, she’s a real night owl and I’m an early to bed early to rise person. All this led to seperate bedrooms and now we both get the sleep we need. So yeah, I see what the articles author is saying. We have less stress now because we understand that not sleeping in the same bed has nothing to do with our love and devotion to one another.

By: Skipweasel

Skipweasel — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 10:49:55 +0000

Neither of us sleep well on our own, but we found on our first night twenty-something years ago that the one thing we can’t do is share a duvet.

We have a king-size bed with two double duvets. Not only does it mean I can have a cooler one that Squid does, but also you can wrap yourself up like a sausage and not steal the other’s duvet.

By: Babycakes

Babycakes — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 04:59:23 +0000

this seems likely to happen when I live with my boyfriend. He loves to have the TV on and I like silence, so I can only guess one of us will be sleeping elsewhere when the time comes. But still, it’s all good.

By: George Lowry

George Lowry — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:24:04 +0000

My wife and I have had this arrangement for 25 years.
Just celebrated our 33rd Anniversary.
YMMV

By: LisaL

LisaL — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:22:58 +0000

Carl- ROFL…. my husband does that to me ALL the freaking time! I often wake up shivering w/ the edge of a sheet on my hand and that’s it, while he’s all snuggled in the blanket (w/ the dog firmly snugged up next to him).

By: sredford

sredford — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 02:27:58 +0000

@Carl: LOL! “alligtor death spiral”

I’ve never been happier than when we got a king sized bed. Plenty of room for spreading out and not touching during sleep.

By: Lola

Lola — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:45:10 +0000

Separate rooms all the way! He likes it hot and stuffy in the room and is a very light sleeper. He also likes dead silence. I prefer a cool, breezy room with white noise and am a heavy sleeper. There just doesn’t seem to be a good compromise.

By: SenorMysterioso

SenorMysterioso — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:36:25 +0000

I was going to advocate sleeping in separate homes would work better but I think Tim is on to something with the separate states.

John, I have the same problem. I I can’t sleep well if your wife isn’t beside me.

Wait, what?

By: emmakate

emmakate — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:24:57 +0000

I like this because I grew up with my parents sleeping in separate rooms because of my dad’s horrible snoring. Now I live with my boyfriend in a 2 bedroom house and he thinks it’s weird and cold that I like having my own room

By: Lv

Lv — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:49:15 +0000

We cant sleep without each other. Been together 10 years.

By: Helgar

Helgar — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:47:30 +0000

In the seven years I have been with my wife, we have never had sleeping problems. We are both heavy sleepers but wake up to the alarm somehow. We both sleep better if we are in the same bed.

By: Kimmy

Kimmy — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:25:48 +0000

A few years into our marriage we bought a California King motionless Pillow Top Water Bed. It’s the size of Ohare airport! I have to say, it is a solid good night sleep. If we ever have to stay at a hotel, we complain every morning for one of us stealing the covers, or smacking the other in the face..lol

So I believe this article. Good Night sleep is important. But if you have the room, get a california King.

By: Carl

Carl — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:56:09 +0000

What about when she does the alligator “death spiral” to claim every sheet and blanket on the cold nights?

By: christine

christine — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:06:56 +0000

Better to have separate bedrooms. Some people snore too loud. You can be intimate whenever. Sleep is a different matter entirely.

By: Colin

Colin — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 22:38:00 +0000

I already have heart problems and I’m not the kind of person to kill myself, plus I literally can not sleep comfortably without another body in the bed.

By: SydneyClaire

SydneyClaire — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 22:21:19 +0000

I’d have to sleep in the same bed as my spouse, it’s just so comforting to know he’s right there.

My parents, OTOH, have been married over 40 years, and they sleep in separate beds (they didn’t always).

By: Jenny

Jenny — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:56:04 +0000

same situation as cori but we did live together for a while, and still slept better with him there

By: FishBottleT

FishBottleT — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:44:11 +0000

I would sleep in the same bed but have another bed optional if sleep is needed

By: dmsheldon87

dmsheldon87 — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:23:16 +0000

the sleep number bed allow you to pick how you want your side to feel. that kinda solves both problems, no?

By: Edward

Edward — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:22:02 +0000

I am not sure what is worse: falling asleep by myself or waking up alone. Shared bed FTW.

By: MadMolecule

MadMolecule — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:21:50 +0000

My ex-wife made me sleep on the couch a lot. Didn’t help our marriage. Ergo, I conclude this study is bogus.

By: waza

waza — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:21:00 +0000

Together but not touching, is that alright? lol

You get sweaty if theres too much skin being shared.

By: Cori

Cori — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:14:56 +0000

I tend to only actually sleep through the night on the nights my girlfriend and I spend together. But you know, we’re not married and don’t sleep together every night.

By: John Farrier

John Farrier — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:05:53 +0000

I’ve found that I can’t sleep well if my wife isn’t beside me.

By: LisaL

LisaL — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:40:59 +0000

I don’t think there would be a problem if the bed was large enough.
Right now, my husband and I sleep on a Queen size and we’re eventually going to upgrade to a king. Both of us plus a dog… it gets a bit crowded atm.
Like Grace said, we’ll still be able to cuddle and do some spontaneous x-rated things, but still have our own sleeping space.

By: Tim Giachetti

Tim Giachetti — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:22:42 +0000

It works for me and my wife. She sleeps in Florida and I sleep in Missouri. Works a charm.

By: Courageous Grace

Courageous Grace — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:21:52 +0000

Hubby and I switched from a full size bed (the two of us and a cat do not a comfortable sleeping arrangement make on a full size bed) to a king and I am quite pleased! I think the king offers the convenience of being able to cuddle or enjoy a rambunctious bout of marital union while giving us each the opportunity to sleep far enough away from each other that we don’t bother the other one.

By: cola82

cola82 — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:17:20 +0000

I prefer having my own bed. As much as I love my partner, I’m just too selfish.

By: sise

sise — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:08:47 +0000

…but what about the cuddles??!

By: Lady Helena Handbasket

Lady Helena Handbasket — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:00:57 +0000

I completely agree with this. Sir Handbasket and I sleep not only in different beds, but in entirely different wings of Handbasket House and we have been happily married for over twenty years.

By: shadowfirebird

shadowfirebird — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 19:56:24 +0000

I can’t see how my sleeping in the bathroom would help.