Heavy Metal Cure for Constipation

By Miss Cellania in Health on Jul 24, 2009 at 11:46 am

48-year old Viorel Firoiu of Orlea, Romania, admits he was drunk when he tried to cure his constipation by sticking a hammer in his rectum. He went to a hospital where x-rays revealed not one, but two hammerheads inside!

Dr Cristina Bontescu, spokeswoman for the local hospital where he turned up at the emergency unit, said: “He was a bit drunk and said he had been eating cherries that had left him badly constipated. He said he had a few drinks to dull the pain and then came up with the idea of poking a hammerhead up his backside in the hope of sorting out the constipation.

“But the hammerhead got stuck and then he came up with the idea of using a second hammerhead in order to try and get out the first – but then he lost the second one as well.”

The hammerheads had to be removed surgically. Link

Tags: constipation, hammer, rectum, x-rays

Neat stuff from the NeatoShop:

Gauldar
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
But doctor, I thought you asked for a tool sample!
Timm
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Wow, I would have thought of X-Lax first, but this guy is creative! Cudos to him!
marishka
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Constipated. Yeah, right. Drunk, I believe.
Tim Giachetti
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Brings new meaning to the phrase “getting hammered”>
whitcwa
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Lucky for him that he ran out of hammers.
Frau
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
sadtomato
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Cherries make you constipated?? I have always had a somewhat opposite experience when eating large quantities of fruit.
Splint Chesthair
Jul 24th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
One in a million shot, doc.
Colt Seaver
Jul 24th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
This is why you always use your own hammer.
Vonskippy
Jul 24th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
What type of hammer comes apart so easily?
SenorMysterioso
Jul 24th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Today on Shark Week
Miskatonic
Jul 24th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
That guys dumber than a bag of hammers (wait, that guy is a bag of hammers).
MadMolecule
Jul 24th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
48-year old Viorel Firoiu of Orlea, Romania, admits he was drunk when he tried to cure his constipation by sticking a hammer in his rectum.

Best opening sentence ever.
Johnny Cat
Jul 24th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Stop. Hammertime.
gurnorg
Jul 24th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
And i though hitting myself in the thumb was painful.

I have never laughed so hard at neatorama comments. thank you all.
Alex
Jul 24th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Good thing he didn’t find the sledgehammers …
Miss Cellania
Jul 24th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Thank you, Mad Molecule. I just wish I’d though of “hammertime” for the headline!
Geekazoid
Jul 24th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Exactly Frau, rriiiight.

I think this guy had other things in mind with the hammers, if y’all catch my drift.
Christophe
Jul 24th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Gavel bowel travel…
ted
Jul 24th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Does this sort of thing ever happen to women?
Lola
Jul 24th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
I agree with Frau and Geekazoid. This had nothing to do with constipation. Both of my brother-in-laws have worked ER and said you wouldn’t believe the stuff men stick up their butts! I have never heard of women doing this. It’s a weird fetish of some kind and men make up the most unbelievable excuses/explanations when they get them stuck and have to have them removed. Geesh.
Miss Cellania
Jul 24th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Anyone who has worked in an ER will tell you, they’ve heard every kind of explanation. Remember the priest who said he was hanging curtains in the nude and fell backward on the counter and that’s why the potato was up there? In all honesty, there are only two reasons people put strange objects up their butt: 1. sexual stimulation, and 2. smuggling.
Gauldar
Jul 25th, 2009 at 12:22 am
@Miss Cellania

A distant 3rd may be: Lost a bet.
legatoistheman
Jul 25th, 2009 at 1:53 am
I agree Miss Cellania. The people who do these things to themselves might as well just tell the truth as to what really happened. It’s more embarrassing to make up a story that’s worse than the truth than to just tell the truth.
moonlightinvt
Jul 25th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I’m both relieved and grateful that he didn’t appear to use any CLAW hammers. No way you gettin’ one of those out except with a scalpel.

But hey, he’s got a great story to tell.

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