Comments on: Chuck Norris Protects Croatian Bakery From Burglars

By: ivucica

ivucica — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 08:43:24 +0000

According to this TV report:
http://www.hrt.hr/index.php?id=137&tx_ttnewstt_news=83367&tx_ttnewsbac kPid=136&cHash=82a5d0bb0c

Bakery owner says that in 6 years there were no burglaries, but that they put up Chuck’s poster only after someone asked him how come he never had any problems with crime for 6 years since the bakery was opened.

By: quack

quack — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:46:15 +0000

chuck norris once lost a game of chess to Mr.T….in retaliation he created racism.

By: devin bradley

devin bradley — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:57:59 +0000

there are no races only groups of people hat chuck norris has beaten to varios shades of black and blue

By: devin bradley

devin bradley — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:56:21 +0000

chuck norris and mr.T walked into a bar the bar immediately exploded because one building can not contain that level of awesome

By: devin bradley

devin bradley — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:54:59 +0000

crop circles arent aliens there just chuck norris’s way of sayin that sometimes corn needs to lay down

By: devin bradley

devin bradley — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:53:47 +0000

when chuck norris has sex with a man it is not because he is gay it is because he has run out of women

By: Sergio Solis

Sergio Solis — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 02:43:46 +0000

He also had a staring contest with MEDUSA and WON!!

By: Sergio Solis

Sergio Solis — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 02:42:38 +0000

Chuck Norris doesnt eat eggs for breakfast he cracks open diamonds and eat the inside

By: scigoblin

scigoblin — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 05:28:29 +0000

Chuck Norris CAN, in fact, touch MC Hammer!

By: Wee Gran

Wee Gran — Thu, 14 May 2009 20:05:02 +0000

Darth Vader whimpers when Luke Skywalker THINKS about Chuck Norris.

By: gambit

gambit — Mon, 11 May 2009 21:25:30 +0000

-Chuck Norris once attended a frat party and proceeded to roundhouse kick every popped collar in sight
-Similar to a Russian nesting dolls, if you were to break open Chuck Norris, you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only angrier.
-Before going on stage, Chuck Norris breaks somebody else’s leg for good luck.
-The only person who cried when Chuck Norris was born was the doctor. NEVER slap Chuck Norris.
-He can grate Parmesan cheese with his beard.

By: Shannon G

Shannon G — Sat, 09 May 2009 23:45:31 +0000

Chuck Norris could stop global warming by standing at the north pole and freezing everything in his shadow but there is no ass to kick up there.

By: Tanya Kennedy

Tanya Kennedy — Sat, 09 May 2009 21:11:13 +0000

What does Chuck Norris do on his day off? Goes to Split, Croatia to bake some “kolache”. On his off days he is a metrosexual.

By: kaboos

kaboos — Sat, 09 May 2009 12:45:32 +0000

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

By: bmpryde

bmpryde — Fri, 08 May 2009 21:26:05 +0000

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Fri, 08 May 2009 19:30:22 +0000

@ Not Me, #65:

I’ve got one even worse than that.

Chuck Norris likes his women like he likes his whiskey — 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

I know it doesn’t play into the whole “chuck is a god” kind of image, but its still pretty wrong.

By: stefanie

stefanie — Fri, 08 May 2009 18:49:47 +0000

—Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg

—Leading hand sanitizers kill 99% of germs and bacteria, Chuck Norris kills 100% of whatever the f*@% he wants.

By: Bunk Strutts

Bunk Strutts — Thu, 07 May 2009 21:57:06 +0000

Chuck Norris can hack into any computer system by merely pressing “Enter.”

By: Alon

Alon — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:53:11 +0000

If Chuck Norris somehow went back in time and fought himself, he’d win.

By: Not Me

Not Me — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:52:20 +0000

This one is so wrong, but I haven’t heard one to top it yet:

When Chuck Norris was a child, he molested his own uncle.

By: Poozle

Poozle — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:42:37 +0000

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.

By: Dev

Dev — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:39:08 +0000

Chuck Norris once at an entire cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.

By: HYPERseal

HYPERseal — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:01:29 +0000

Chuck Norris can win Connect Four in 3 moves.

By: Pwnz de Leon

Pwnz de Leon — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:14:59 +0000

The Large Hadron Collider was actually built to simulate what happens at the atomic level during an impact from a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, not the big bang.

By: minnmax

minnmax — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:52:46 +0000

Chuck Norris doesn’t dance, he roundhouse kicks to the beat.

By: Bob Garon

Bob Garon — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:44:20 +0000

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

By: Camolai

Camolai — Thu, 07 May 2009 16:19:53 +0000

Chuck Norris doesn’t own stove, oven, or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.

By: Son of Chuck

Son of Chuck — Thu, 07 May 2009 15:02:22 +0000

That Bakery doesn’t need to use yeast to make its bread rise, they just threaten the dough with the wrath of Chuck

By: Joseq

Joseq — Thu, 07 May 2009 09:31:33 +0000

He’s good with short cuts e.g. Ctrl+Br

By: PJ

PJ — Thu, 07 May 2009 09:29:18 +0000

he hands out a no-risk check.

By: Nemke

Nemke — Thu, 07 May 2009 08:00:26 +0000

Chuck Norris creates .EXE from UML models.(c) by me

Chuck Norris doesn’t wait for Holidays, they wait for him.

By: Nesta

Nesta — Thu, 07 May 2009 07:40:12 +0000

There was not a nuclear power in Chernobyl, Chuck Norris was going over there

By: Ned

Ned — Thu, 07 May 2009 06:40:22 +0000

Chuck Norris was making out one time and accidentally caught a woman on fire.

By: Kiddlemidd

Kiddlemidd — Thu, 07 May 2009 04:50:28 +0000

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

By: QuarterRoy00

QuarterRoy00 — Thu, 07 May 2009 04:22:29 +0000

When Chuck Norris resets his computer, he only hold down Alt-Delete because he is always in Control

By: DoodeeDoo

DoodeeDoo — Thu, 07 May 2009 04:06:39 +0000

People say that Chuck norris is the right hand of god the truth is god is the left hand of chuck norris

By: Him

Him — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:52:42 +0000

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

(Sorry, didn’t realize that others had used the facts I had.)

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:39:33 +0000

Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

By: Bill

Bill — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:39:30 +0000

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear guns, guns wear Chuck Norris.

By: deyey

deyey — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:35:00 +0000

Neatorama once tried to post a full article dedicated to Chuck Norris … the server crashed due to awesomeness…

…thus Neatorama can only post “mentions” of Chuck Norris.

By: Eatintea

Eatintea — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:34:43 +0000

The red phone on the desk of the United States president is a direct line to Chuck Norris.

By: Him

Him — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:07:40 +0000

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

By: matt

matt — Thu, 07 May 2009 01:39:50 +0000

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. TWICE.

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesnt really push himself up, he pushes the world down.

Chuck Norris can go to a burger king and ask for a big mac and actually receive one.

Chuck Norris sat behind Jesus in third Grade

Chuck Norris can make a plane explode by just pointing at it and say bang

By: marvin

marvin — Thu, 07 May 2009 00:58:24 +0000

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

By: Chrome

Chrome — Thu, 07 May 2009 00:02:10 +0000

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Later,
Chrome…

By: mike r baker

mike r baker — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:47:38 +0000

Chuck Norris’ buns of steel crush those that steal buns.

By: jimi12

jimi12 — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:40:37 +0000

Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.

By: Sidd

Sidd — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:37:29 +0000

Chuck Norris is all 99 of Jay-z’s problems.

By: Lew A

Lew A — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:26:08 +0000

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

By: TeaFizz

TeaFizz — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:23:40 +0000

-Superman has a Chuck Norris poster on his wall.

-When Chuck Norris falls in the water, he does not get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

-Under Chuck Norris’ beard there is no chin, only another fist.

-Chuck Norris actually died twenty five years ago, it’s just that Death hasn’t had the courage to tell him.

-Chuck Norris once had a wet dream in the cab of a semi truck. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.