Duck Walks Into a Bar ...

1. Jake
   February 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm

   my favourite.

   A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

   "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

   "I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."

   The waiter turns the relevant entry and, sure enough finds an explanation.

   "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

2. The El Bee En
   February 22nd, 2009 at 6:14 pm

   Cue sfx: Rimshot!

3. Miss Cellania
   February 22nd, 2009 at 6:19 pm

   A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this -some kind of joke?"

4. Miss Cellania
   February 22nd, 2009 at 6:22 pm

   I got a million of 'em!
   http://www.misscellania.com/miss-cellania/2007/1/23/guy-walks-into-a-b ar.html

5. kevin r
   February 22nd, 2009 at 6:42 pm

   Really geeky one:

   An ASCII character walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What's wrong?" The ASCII character says, "I have a parity error." The bartender nods and says, "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

   Not geeky:

   A polar bear walks into a bar.

   The bartender says, "What'll you have?"

   The polar bear says, "I think I'll have a gin and ...................................... ................................... ............................ .................. ................. ............. tonic."

   The bartender says, "Ok, but why the big pause?"

   The polar bear says, "I don't know, I was born with them."

6. Johnny Cat
   February 22nd, 2009 at 7:05 pm

   I see they have my favorite on there, about the string.

   "No, I'm a frayed knot."

7. Tony LaRocca
   February 22nd, 2009 at 7:24 pm

   A tick walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

   Jesus walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Close the door, were you born in a barn?"

   A jumper cable walks into a bar, and the bar tender says, "Don't start anything."

   Two guys walk into a bar... you'd think the second guy would have ducked!

8. just a guy
   February 23rd, 2009 at 1:03 am

   A dyslexic walk into a bra.

9. SamIamIwas
   February 23rd, 2009 at 6:19 am

   Here's a dog walks into a bar claymation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmbrPk6eJng

10. cooties
    February 23rd, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    a giraffe walks into a bar and shouts, 'hiballs are on me!'

    a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, 'hey, why the long face?'

11. Chandrielle
    February 23rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    An Irishman walks out of a bar.

    Don't laugh - it could happen.

12. StrayChild
    February 23rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    I'm afraid I didn't get the joke. u_u

13. Scooter
    February 23rd, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    A pirate walks in to a bar sits down to order. The Bartender hands him his drink, looks him over and asks, "Do you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?" To This the Pirate Replies, "Arr, it's driving Me Nuts."

    Thanks everyone, I'll be here all week.

    Try the Veal.

14. Scooter
    February 23rd, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    I guy walks in to a bar with a sack, looks at the bartender and says "If I show you something completely amazing will you give me a free drink?"

    "Well for a free drink it would have to be pretty amazing." says the bartender.

    So the guy reaches into the bag a pulls out a tiny working piano and a hamster. The hamster sits and the piano and starts to play Ragtime.

    "Well, that is pretty amazing but i don't think it's worth a free drink." replies the Bartender.

    So the guy reaches back into the bag and pulls out a frog, and as the hamster plays the frog starts to sing along. Amazed a fellow patron at the bar jumps up and says "Wow, i'll buy that frog from you for 100 dollars"
    So the first man hands over the frog and gets 100 dollars. The Bartender comments, "I don't want to pry into your business but you just gave away a fortune."

    "Not really, the hamster is also a Ventriloquist."

    (Rimshot)

15. Jim R Feliciano
    February 24th, 2009 at 12:55 am

    a man walks into a bar
    it is amazing how funny this can be.
    Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender asks if Descartes wants a beer and Descartes replies, "I think not" and disappears.

16. MosselKots
    February 24th, 2009 at 6:52 am

    A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks:
    "Do you have shampoo for normal hair?"
    The girl behind the counter sais:
    "Is it a present?"

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