Duck Walks Into a Bar ...

Peterman's Eye has a neat post analyzing (okay, more like gently 'splaining) the classic "man walks into a bar" joke. Includes some of the best groaners I've read in ages, such as:

Inanimate objects can walk into a bar: Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."

And my favorite:

A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.

So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.

The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"

The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"

The bartender says, "No."

So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"


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A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks:
"Do you have shampoo for normal hair?"
The girl behind the counter sais:
"Is it a present?"
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a man walks into a bar
it is amazing how funny this can be.
Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender asks if Descartes wants a beer and Descartes replies, "I think not" and disappears.
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I guy walks in to a bar with a sack, looks at the bartender and says "If I show you something completely amazing will you give me a free drink?"

"Well for a free drink it would have to be pretty amazing." says the bartender.

So the guy reaches into the bag a pulls out a tiny working piano and a hamster. The hamster sits and the piano and starts to play Ragtime.

"Well, that is pretty amazing but i don't think it's worth a free drink." replies the Bartender.

So the guy reaches back into the bag and pulls out a frog, and as the hamster plays the frog starts to sing along. Amazed a fellow patron at the bar jumps up and says "Wow, i'll buy that frog from you for 100 dollars"
So the first man hands over the frog and gets 100 dollars. The Bartender comments, "I don't want to pry into your business but you just gave away a fortune."

"Not really, the hamster is also a Ventriloquist."

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A pirate walks in to a bar sits down to order. The Bartender hands him his drink, looks him over and asks, "Do you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?" To This the Pirate Replies, "Arr, it's driving Me Nuts."

Thanks everyone, I'll be here all week.

Try the Veal.
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