The Recently Deflowered Girl is a 1965 etiquette book for those awkward moments you hadn't planned for, written by Edward Gorey under the name Hyacinthe Phyppe, an expert in such matters. In each "deflowerment" situation, the proper thing to do apparently is to provide a witty comeback. The entire scanned book is online with Gorey illustrations. This is SFW, unless you have a child nearby who knows what the archaic word "deflowerment" means. Link -Thanks, luke!
Update: The original post has been deleted, but I found another copy. Link