Nothing! She has already been told twice!

If we weren't meant to talk, we'd all be born mute.

http://www.austinfamilyinstitute.org/

My husband and I have a peaceful marriage. We chat alot but we don't "talk" very often.

the most important thing to realize about stuff like this is that gender is a socialized phenomena. i was actually talking to my sister(not)-in-law about this the other day. from the moment we are born, our parents assign us to colors often associated with whatever sex organ you came out with. it's important to establish roles with your children, but not based on their having a penis or vagina.

i say gender is socialized for a couple reasons, but i will try to make this short as it relates to the article. men shut down and don't talk because that is what they were taught growing up. "sharing your feelings" is very much seen as a "girl" trait, something boys are harshly discouraged to express both by their parents and their peers. guys-- remember when you were little and you heard (probably many times) "big boys don't cry?" and gals-- remember when you were little and your mother told you to "just let it out?" there are many examples of these simple statements that have been pounded into our brains our entire lives, even well into adulthood. regardless of whether we grasp this phenomenon, it is nearly impossible to avoid in almost all situations, especially our day-to-day relationships. adults believe gender exists and they pass it to their children. and so on, and so on.

like i said, i'm not saying men and women don't have particular roles in life, because they do. i'm saying that their roles should not be based on the color blanket they were wrapped in as a newborn. communication is the key to understanding, and you don't even have to talk to communicate. actually, 90% of a message is non-verbal. i would think men "go silent" during confrontation because women were trained to be slightly condascending, and men don't like being talked down to. it's a power thing. but if you know how to properly communicate, men and women can have harmonious relationships without many problems. it's all in the approach. stay nice, highlight the positive, and NEVER use "you" language (YOU did this.. YOU did that). take it from a communications professional-- talking is very hard to do right. it takes a lot to ignore your own pride when talking to someone sometimes, but it is absolutely necessary to understand you are NOT always right.

"We need to talk" is such a negative phrase, with subtle criticism. If "talking" is the natural prelude an argument, then a man may interpret that differently than what the woman intended. Women have many so subtle ways of criticizing without actually using the exact words that when they "want to talk", men could take that as a sign of bigger trouble ahead.

If you have good communication, you don't always have to talk. If you do, then maybe you need to examine your own insecurities.

Why would any man love a woman who thinks he is defective?

Women think they can change men and when a direct means such as nagging doesn't work they try indirect means such as pouting and witholding affection and this just leads to more disharmony. Men consider such indirect means as suspicious and infantile and they lead to lack of trust and respect.

Ultimately the root of the problem is that too many women want a relatinship but just don't like men as they are.

This is, yes, junk science and pseudopsych blather. Any woman who *wants* a man that won't listen to her will surely be able to find one, but there are many many of us out there who crave communication.

I'm going to need some time to digest this breaking news.

Also, this article is creepy. It sounds like 50's housewives advice.

The trouble with these studies and articles is the generalizations that result. The original study probably had those results in a majority of the couples studied, who may have volunteered to participate based on an ad that was pointed toward women whose husbands don't communicate well. And how large was the majority?

While the results of the study may be generally correct, applying them in a strictly female-talk/male-doesn't way undercuts the variety of people and relationships.

It is soothing for women but if you don't do it to make your husband feel better isn't that just kind of a vicious cycle to make you feel worse?

This woman is making her career out of advising woman how to make their marriages more peacful. So they can listen to her advice and trade off talking for peace, or not. It depends on whats more important to her - some of her happiness or (some her husbands happiness + a more peacful marriage).

Isn't love supposed to be selfless? Ah, but I am being nieve, no?