Caption Monkey 31: Bathroom Trouble on the Space Station

Posted by Alex in Caption Monkey on May 28, 2008 at 2:15 am


Today’s Neatorama and Hobotopia’s Caption Monkey has a little twist: your task is to do your best to provide the funniest commentary on the recent toilet problem at the International Space Station.

But first, the story. Here’s what John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote:

Four words you don’t want to hear in space:

“The toilet is broken.”

The crew aboard the International Space Station is working on a problem with the system for collecting solid and liquid waste, which is a trickier proposition without gravity than it is on the Earth. Space toilets use jets of fan-propelled air to guide waste into the proper container.

A NASA status report noted that last week, while using the toilet system in the Russian-built service module, “the crew heard a loud noise and the fan stopped working.” The solid waste collector is functioning properly, but the system for collecting liquid waste was not.

The crew tried replacing one device, an air/water separator, and then a filter, but nothing seemed to bring the toilet back to full operation. Russian mission control told the crew — Russian Cosmonauts Sergey Volkov and Oleg Kononenko, and Garrett Reisman, a NASA astronaut, to use the toilet on the Soyuz capsule that is attached to the station as a lifeboat. But that system has very limited capacity, and so repairing the system has become an increasingly urgent issue.

As so often happens when there’s a plumbing problem, house guests are on the way: the space shuttle Discovery is scheduled to launch on Saturday, with seven astronauts aboard. The shuttle, however, has its own toilet.

You can simply come up with a new caption for the speech bubble above (yes, that’s my attempt at humor), or imagine a conversation between ISS and ground control, or whatever. Funniest one will win a free drawing by Adam "Ape Lad" Koford (a monkey drawing or any other critter … your imagination is the limit!).

Good luck!

Update 5/29/08 - Congratulations to trestleboy, who came up with the winning caption of “No. You misheard. The ship didn’t hit the fan.“




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COMMENT

55 comments to "Caption Monkey 31: Bathroom Trouble on the Space Station"

  1. godzillahorn
    May 28th, 2008 at 2:57 am

    Well, I guess the shit hit the fan.

  2. S-r-ex
    May 28th, 2008 at 3:31 am

    *in panic* HUSTON, WE GOT A DIARRHEA!!!

  3. Lasse
    May 28th, 2008 at 3:53 am

    Beam it up, Scotty ;-)

  4. DOJ
    May 28th, 2008 at 4:36 am

    If I have to hold it any longer I’ll blow an O-ring

  5. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:12 am

    “Aw CRAP! Piss me off!”

  6. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:21 am

    COSMONAUGHT: “I’m tired of Tang. Anyone up for some lemonade?”

    ASTRONAUGHT: “What brand? Country Style?”

    COSMONAUGHT: “Uhm…’U-Brew’?”

  7. salpara
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:23 am

    “Well, the shit has really hit the fan now…er, wait…it won’t hit the fan. That’s the problem!”

  8. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:23 am

    “Whose in the mood for some liquid sunshine -er- I mean Russian moonshine?”

  9. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:27 am

    “Houston, we’re all out of Sunny D. All we have left is smelly pee. Do you copy? Over.”

  10. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:34 am

    Instead of a crude, childish joke, urinating into coffee pots has now become a necessity.

  11. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:38 am

    “I’m going outside to drain the lizard…D’oh!”

  12. LMSJoe
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:41 am

    In space, no one can hear you flush.

  13. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:44 am

    NASA is currently consulting with Barry Bonds on how to create a makeshift Whizzinator.

  14. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:49 am

    “Until the toilet gets fixed, we have to ‘Howard Hughes’ it for a while.”

  15. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:56 am

    “Where did we store the Space Pampers?”

  16. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:58 am

    As it turns out, Lisa Nowak was way ahead of her time.

  17. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 6:04 am

    “We’re saved! I’ve just received word that the space shuttle is going to bring us up some extra absorbent Hubble Huggies.”

  18. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 6:09 am

    “You can either pass me the Drano, or I’m going to, sure as hell, make it rain-o!”

  19. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 6:18 am

    The space station inhabitants were not amused when ground control decided to wake them up by playing the “Chocolate Rain” song.

  20. Pristine Apostle
    May 28th, 2008 at 6:45 am

    When your space toilet breaks down, call Ass-tro Plumber!

  21. cwilliamson
    May 28th, 2008 at 6:56 am

    Okay, Volkov, we get it…no more captain’s log jokes.

  22. Ratz
    May 28th, 2008 at 7:13 am

    If it’s brown, flush it down, if it’s yellow, let it mellow.

  23. Lorem Ipsum
    May 28th, 2008 at 8:16 am

    Houston, go ahead and cancel that shipment of coolant. … What? … Yes, we… found some. In storage.

  24. trestleboy
    May 28th, 2008 at 8:34 am

    No. You misheard. The ship didn’t hit the fan.

  25. Mick
    May 28th, 2008 at 8:52 am

    “OK people, from now on, whatever you do, dont float around with your mouth open!”

  26. Evan Rappaport
    May 28th, 2008 at 9:46 am

    HAL, flush the toilet please…… HAL.

  27. Evan Rappaport
    May 28th, 2008 at 9:48 am

    Plumber, we have a problem.

  28. jan
    May 28th, 2008 at 9:49 am

    Yeah, it may be great for skiers but what about us snowboarders?

    or,,,

    Waste of space.

  29. Spacey
    May 28th, 2008 at 9:51 am

    A1: Aw, sh*t!

    A2: No, sh*t?

    A1: Yea…, no sh*t.

  30. Bananafeller
    May 28th, 2008 at 10:38 am

    Houston we need a whole lot of bottle real fast. And please send up the ones with the wide mouth, its hard to aim in zero gravity.

  31. Kate
    May 28th, 2008 at 10:47 am

    Are we there yet?

  32. SenorMysterioso
    May 28th, 2008 at 10:58 am

    You know that rumored million dollar toilet you always hear congress spent money on? Should have got the two million dollar model

  33. konshuss
    May 28th, 2008 at 11:38 am

    er, mission control… that ain’t dark matter.

  34. konaha
    May 28th, 2008 at 11:40 am

    “Hope they won’t notice the extra space debris floating around?”

  35. Evan Rappaport
    May 28th, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Whew! Someone open an airlock in here.

  36. z
    May 28th, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    Just hold it ’til you get to work! It won’t matter! You’re always telling us they don’t know sh*t, right?

  37. Christophe
    May 28th, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    how far is the outhouse?

  38. heather
    May 28th, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    “Oh dear Lord, It’s worst that we could have imagined…The toilet’s broken and WE’RE OUT OF BEER!”

  39. Kevin
    May 28th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    “Look, I TOLD you to go before we left.”

  40. Kevin
    May 28th, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    “Yes we have a cabin filled with floating feces and urine, but it still beats the hell out of flying Southwest.”

  41. Jeff666666
    May 28th, 2008 at 2:38 pm

    “If we blow it out the air lock, think it’ll burn up on re-entry?”

  42. MKOKC
    May 28th, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    * In space, no one can hear you flush.

    * I didn’t think this mission would be exploring Uranus.

  43. dncucf
    May 28th, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    Well, is there a McDonalds that we can dock with ???

    (Husbands/boyfriends will understand this comment)

  44. Dan
    May 28th, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    Captains Log……….

  45. Quantum Entanglement
    May 28th, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    “In space, everyone can hear your stream!”

  46. Ruth
    May 28th, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Uh-Oh! Break out the Depends!!

  47. Jared
    May 28th, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    One small step for man, one giant poo for mankind

  48. Charles
    May 28th, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    “Boys, just go Texas style and wizz off the back porch!”

  49. SenorMysterioso
    May 28th, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    Sure they can put a man in space but can they make an unbreakable toilet?

  50. Daniel Kim
    May 28th, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    I knew this would happen when they brought up the Kim Chee!

    (OK, a rather obscure reference to the fact that the Korean astronaut has Kim Chee - fermented cabbage - in his food pack.)

  51. Mike Johnson
    May 28th, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    Space Station: Uh…Ground Control?
    Ground Control: Go ahead.
    SS: Uhhh…yeah. We have a slight, um…problem…here.
    GC: What is the nature of the problem? We show no negative readings here, go ahead.
    SS: The nature of the problem is that we CAN’T go. IN the head, over.
    GC: Say again?
    SS: Ground Control, we can’t go. As in TO the BATHROOM. Over.
    GC: Are the laxative supplements not working, over?
    SS: That’s not the problem Ground Control. The problem is that the toilet has ceased functioning.
    GC: Well ain’t that a pisser!
    SS: Affirmative, Ground Control. Literally. There was a loud noise and the fan ceased working. There is no way to clear the liquid waste.
    (Sounds of snickering from GC)
    SS: Ground Control?
    GC: Sorry guys…temporary static. You say you are unable to urinate?
    SS: No. WE can urinate fine. We just can’t flush.
    GC: You say this event began with a loud noise?
    SS: Affirmative.
    GC: Was this “noise” accompanied by any “odor?”
    (More snickering)
    SS: Negative. Is that laughter we are hearing, Ground Control?
    GC: Uh…no. Just atmospheric interference. Sun spots or solar flare or something.
    SS: This is serious, Ground Control. What is your recommended course of action?
    GC: Hold…
    SS: Roger that. We’ll hold.
    GC: No. Seriously. Hold. As in “Hold it in.”
    SS: You’ve GOT to be kidding. For how long?
    GC: Long enough the folks at Guinness will be interested. We have to send up a repair crew.
    SS: How long will THAT take?
    GC: Well, let’s see…we’ll have to gather a crew, move the shuttle to the launch pad, fuel her up, do system checks…you know the usual. I’d say about three or four days.
    SS: Say again?
    GC: You heard me. Now buck up guys…this can be done. Just collect your, um, by-products as best as you can, and we’ll do the rest. You may want to cut down on the liquid intake too.
    SS: What should we use to collect the liquid waste?
    GC: You’ll figure something out. You’re astronauts, which is right up there with rocket scientists.
    SS: But you guys ARE rocket scientists!
    GC: Yeah. Pretty sweet, huh?
    (More snickering)
    SS: We heard that, Ground Control! You’re laughing at us!
    GC: Sorry. But it IS pretty funny, you gotta admit.
    SS: Yeah, REAL funny.
    GC: maybe you could just open the window and…
    SS: NOT funny!
    (snickering)
    SS: Look, we’ll do our best. But please get things moving. It could get pretty ugly up here.
    GC: Not to mention wet and smelly.
    SS: No shit.
    GC: Hey…don’t invite trouble!
    SS: Wha…oh yeah. Right. Let’s hope THAT keeps working.
    GC: Hope nothing. Pray!
    SS: Amen brother. Amen.

  52. John Glade
    May 28th, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    Ground control to Major Tom.
    Put your Big Boy Pullups on.

  53. Evan Rappaport
    May 29th, 2008 at 7:28 am

    Can’t you fix it? This isn’t rocket science.

  54. Gazza
    May 29th, 2008 at 9:36 am

    ..LOGS IN SPACE..

    Warning, Warning, Extreme Danger!

  55. Alex
    May 29th, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    Hahaha! Great stuff, guys - Adam has just picked the winner. Congrats to trestleboy who won with this caption: “No. You misheard. The ship didn’t hit the fan.”


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