|The following is an article from Uncle John's Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader
Ever heard of Prince Philip? He's the Duke of Edinburgh and husband of Queen Elizabeth II of England. About the only time he makes headline is when he, as one newspaper puts it, "uses his royal status to insult and belittle people." His public gaffes are so frequent that they've earned him the title "The Duke of Hazard." (Photo: NASA/Paul E. Alers [Wikipedia])
To a driving instructor in Scotland: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"
To a Nigerian diplomat in traditional Nigerian garb: "You look as if you're ready for bed."
On seeing a fuse box filled with wires, during a visit to an electronics company: "This looks like it was put in by an Indian."
To a chubby 13-year-old boy at a space exploration exhibit, pointing to a space capsule: "You'll have to lose weight if you want to go in that."
To a smoke-detector activist who lost two of her children in a house fire: "My smoke alarm is a damn nuisance. Every time I run my bath, the steam sets it off and I've got firefighters at my door."
To members of the British Deaf Association, while pointing to a loudspeaker playing Caribbean music: "No wonder you are deaf."
To a tourist, during a state visit to Hungary: "You can't have been here long, you've not potbelly."
Speaking to British students studying in China: "If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed."
On the "key problem" facing Brazil: "Brazilians live there."
On his daughter Princess Anne: "If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested."
On seeing a picture once owned by England's King Charles I in the Louvre in Paris: "So I said to the Queen, 'Shall we take it back?'"