The Book of SPAM Caption Contest

Posted by Alex in Advertising, Food & Drinks on October 23, 2007 at 3:22 am


What did George Burns say to Gracie Allen? Funniest captions will win Free The Book of SPAM, courtesy of Simon & Schuster, reviewed previously on Neatorama.

Contest rule is darned simple: place your caption in the comment section – one caption per comment, please, but you can enter as many funny ones you can think of. And keep it clean!

Update 11/4/07 – Wow, great entries (and some not so great entries) guys! I’ve emailed the lucky winners, they’ll get a free copy of The Book of Spam courtesy of Simon & Schuster – thank you for playing!


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COMMENT

126 comments to "The Book of SPAM Caption Contest"

  1. JackWH
    October 23rd, 2007 at 4:59 am

    What's that you're eating, darling?

  2. JackWH
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:00 am

    Gosh! It's meat in a can - It must be...

    (Surely I get extra marks because it half rhymes? ;-) )

  3. D Scurt
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:00 am

    Hey Gracie, What's Maps backwards?

  4. Sam Kimpton
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:52 am

    "Would you like to have a larger penis in 30 da--"

  5. frenki
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:53 am

    Better than ham? And you call it...?

  6. Sam Kimpton
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:54 am

    "Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, SPAM SPAAAAAAM, Wonderful Spam!"

  7. frenki
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:55 am

    Spim? Spom? Spum?

  8. Sam Kimpton
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:56 am

    Boy, I could sure go for something, eggs, sausage and something. But what?

  9. Florent
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:04 am

    Save $1000s NOW by re-financing your home!

  10. Erik
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:05 am

    Oh my, fresh spamcakes!

  11. sam
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:07 am

    That's not spam.. that's my frickin kneecap!

  12. Jann Michael
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:14 am

    Say SPAM, Gracie.

  13. Jann Michael
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:19 am

    Say SPAM, Gracie and WIN A FREE iPOD!!!

  14. Mark
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:21 am

    No holds barred, that Spam is one breakfast meat I love to eat!

  15. Jann Michael
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:24 am

    ENTER the Funniest caption and WIN FREE THE BOOK of SPAM

  16. Harry Kmiec
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:01 am

    Gracie, what's your favorite mealtime comeback line of the day?

  17. Simon
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:27 am

    Greetings Beloved.,, I know this email may arrive as unknown and suprised,and ope it meets regardless with your personal ethics. I am Mr. Joshua Bengal of Nigeria...

  18. L.B. Jeffries
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:37 am

    Wait, you're telling me I can eat it AND it doesn't get all bloody once a month?

  19. marchino
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:41 am

    Gosh! You s-pamper me!

  20. andrew
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:58 am

    I LOVE HOW YOU FORK MY PORK!

  21. andrew
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:59 am

    WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?

  22. felix
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:01 am

    SPAM?

  23. felix
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:08 am

    George: Honey, do you want my erection to last UP TO 10 TIME LONGER?!!!

    Gracie: SPAM!

    (its almost like shes a comic superhero and when she punches someone the word SPAM is written in BIG letters)

  24. felix
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:09 am

    dear, your skin is so smooth, what do you use?

  25. Heather
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 am

    Spam and hotcakes! I LOVE you Gracie!

  26. Erik
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:37 am

    So Gracie, what else is there to combine Spam with?

  27. Erik
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:45 am

    I'll have the Spam egg Spam Spam bacon and...

  28. Dan
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:50 am

    Gee, Gracie. I've reminded you every day of our marriage that I'm Jewish and can't eat pork. So ... what's for dinner?

  29. nalden
    October 23rd, 2007 at 9:08 am

    Delicious Spamcakes! and... OH, GOD! What is that mystery meat?!

  30. Ben
    October 23rd, 2007 at 9:17 am

    Hi Gracie. Tell me, is your tourettes getting any better?

  31. Vorpal
    October 23rd, 2007 at 9:31 am

    Why, Gracie, that's not bacn it's...

  32. rAfI
    October 23rd, 2007 at 9:44 am

    Spam for breakfast. I´d like a spammer, i need this book

    I´d love it & i love´d coldchiliandhotchilly.com

  33. Miniature Brainwave
    October 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am

    I used to be a woman.

  34. gwdMaine
    October 23rd, 2007 at 11:19 am

    Oh God! I hope that's not Lambchops!

  35. nerfherder
    October 23rd, 2007 at 11:21 am

    Say Gracie, what'd you make of that canned meat salesman?

  36. Mr. T
    October 23rd, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    Say goodnight Spam!

  37. matt
    October 23rd, 2007 at 1:34 pm

    Wow, Gracie. That's an enormous plate of food!

  38. dpatrickrodgers
    October 23rd, 2007 at 1:39 pm

    Dear God, no! Soilent SPAM is people! It's PEEEEOOOPLLLEEE!

  39. Marcelo Leite
    October 23rd, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    OMFG !!! Is this...

    (And then Gracie answers (SPAM!))

  40. Justin
    October 23rd, 2007 at 1:52 pm

    Gracie you don't actually eat it!

  41. Henry
    October 23rd, 2007 at 2:22 pm

    I don't want no spam! Gimme my steak woman!

  42. Paul
    October 23rd, 2007 at 2:44 pm

    Holy SPAM! What the HORMEL is THAT!?

  43. Vorpal
    October 23rd, 2007 at 3:29 pm

    What's our virtual legacy, Gracie?

  44. Vorpal
    October 23rd, 2007 at 3:34 pm

    I don't think microwaving means waving a microphone, Gracie, but let's dig into that...

  45. Vorpal
    October 23rd, 2007 at 3:42 pm

    We'd better hurry, Gracie, or we'll be late for our cardio...

  46. Charlie
    October 23rd, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    Spamit Janet!

  47. LuAllen
    October 23rd, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    Spam?

  48. Jay W
    October 23rd, 2007 at 4:55 pm

    Gracie, What did you do to our pet gerbil?!

  49. celebrayden
    October 23rd, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    Who is the meat, who would share his tin with his brother meats?

    SPAM!

    You're damn right.

  50. Josh
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:06 pm

    "This thing I'm pointing at for money is called...."

  51. stephen j frankenberry
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:08 pm

    "...and you know gracie, if i eat it backwards i'll never have to ask for directions again!"

  52. steve
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:17 pm

    PrE$CR!P†!0n DrÜ6s.

  53. Jeffrey
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    You can eat spam in my bed anytime Gracie-I'll even take out my cigar this time!

  54. robert
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:27 pm

    ooh are you realy gonna eat that?

  55. John Stirman
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    I love mechanically separated chicken! It's Spam-a-licous!

  56. Brittany Anne
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    You can't believe what I brought home for our all american meal honey!

  57. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    hey Gracie, bad news. i've got the runs something fierce. you know what that calls for!...

  58. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:46 pm

    hey Gracie, bad news. i’ve got the runs something fierce. you know what that calls for!…

  59. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:48 pm

    Segmented Precooked Artificial Meat: it's what's for dinner

  60. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:51 pm

    lolz, i've got one: what do you get when you cross Gary Thuerk with hotmail?

  61. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:52 pm

    Spum!
    Spam!
    right, Spam

  62. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:55 pm

    fried, baked, snorted or stewed. i gotta have my...!

  63. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:56 pm

    what does this growth on my thigh look like to you?

  64. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 5:57 pm

    what do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord?

  65. Adam Farrington
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:16 pm

    Sure babe, as long as it's certified organic.

  66. Adam Farrington
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:20 pm

    I can't believe it's not butter!

  67. Adam Farrington
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:24 pm

    Hi Grace Spamllen, can I spample some of your spam?

  68. Adam Farrington
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    I've been having SPAMtacies about SPAMwiches and SPAMbake all day!

  69. ambassdor
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    disc0unt v14gr4 pills & enl4rge y0r j0hnson p1llz!

  70. ambassdor
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm

    I heard last week the Tibetan monetary quit being vegetarians Gracie... any idea why?

  71. ambassdor
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:41 pm

    Gracie. Are you sure that tin you bought 20 years ago is safe to eat?

  72. Diana
    October 23rd, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    George: Look that is the most disgusting thing I ever fu... OOOOH Shiny cannn! Must HAVE....

    Gracie: Spam?

  73. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:09 pm

    hey gracie, the toilet's clogged again. any idea why?

  74. Thomas
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:12 pm

    hey gracie, i'm going out to my fifties swingers party but i'm all out of hair greese, do you have anything i can use?

  75. syed
    October 23rd, 2007 at 7:38 pm

    Holly cow! Is that what I think it is?

  76. Phil
    October 23rd, 2007 at 8:05 pm

    Gracie, what smells like dog waste baking on hot asphalt?

  77. Matt
    October 23rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm

    What do you call this poster that we are in?

  78. Fronz
    October 23rd, 2007 at 10:09 pm

    See what happens when you make me cook, hunny? Now get back in the kitchen.

  79. James Barker
    October 23rd, 2007 at 11:49 pm

    My favorite!
    SPAMcakes!
    With SPAMsyrup!

  80. Paul O.
    October 24th, 2007 at 12:03 am

    For the love of spam, Gracie, it's the 50s! Why haven't you learned to cook yet? And don't you dare yell "SPAM!" again or so help me...

  81. Mike Jacobs
    October 24th, 2007 at 12:22 am

    Made from fresh pig anus!

  82. Rich
    October 24th, 2007 at 9:07 am

    ...ulp...urrrp!

  83. karasumi
    October 24th, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    Who's the cat that won't cop out
    When there's danger all about?

    SPAM!

    Right on

  84. Jen
    October 24th, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    "Is this what happened to your brother, Gracie?"

  85. Jen
    October 24th, 2007 at 9:11 pm

    Gracie: "Perfect for the Surprise Party Luncheon!"

  86. nerfherder
    October 25th, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    You shined my shoes and fed the dog with what??

  87. nerfherder
    October 25th, 2007 at 2:08 pm

    You left the condensed milk from our last sponsor sitting too long and got what??

  88. dlc
    October 25th, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    George: "HOT!"

    Gracie: "SPAM!"

  89. Michael Fate
    October 25th, 2007 at 5:41 pm

    40 years from now you know what people are going to hate getting in their email?

  90. Adam Farrington
    October 26th, 2007 at 12:01 am

    (singing)
    S'wonderful! S'marvelous! that you should cook for me!

  91. Adam Farrington
    October 26th, 2007 at 12:07 am

    A manwich is a meal, but a Spamwich is a way of life.

  92. Adam Farrington
    October 26th, 2007 at 12:16 am

    No gracie Allen, I would not like them in a tunnel, nor through a funnel, not with a mouse or in a house, or in a box, or with a fox, or with some pancakes, or in a damn lake, I do not like spiced canned ham!!!

  93. nick
    November 4th, 2007 at 8:34 pm

    spam burger hamburger

  94. ruby
    November 5th, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    We have to write our own ad now because the writers are on strike... what's the ad for again???

  95. Snappy
    November 5th, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    Gracie, what's so great about Adam Farrington's lines?

  96. Snappy
    November 5th, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    Gracie, I think Snappy should lure Adam Farrington into the cup of a giant slingshot, and fling him across town while making off with his fancy new book. Gee, what should we use as bait?

  97. Snappy
    November 5th, 2007 at 7:12 pm

    Gracie, seriously... for the love of God and our marriage, stop saying spam...

  98. Snappy
    November 5th, 2007 at 7:12 pm

    Gracie, I never loved you.

  99. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 3:30 pm

    Gracie, what does Techno Viking eat to make himself look so buff?

  100. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 3:34 pm

    Gracie honey, I can't find those socks I usually stuff into my shorts to make me look like a better man, what else can I use?

  101. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 3:38 pm

    Honey, Artie Shaw and half the band just threw up in our sink forcristsakes! What did you put in those appetizers?

  102. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    Gracie, what's so good that the U.S. military serves it three times a day at Guantanamo Bay?

  103. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 3:53 pm

    Gee, honey, the dog's dead, what did you feed it?

  104. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Wow, I've got some kind of unearthly desire for pork shoulder meat with ham meat added, how can I eat them together without ruining our blender again?

  105. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    Gracie, I heard Dick Cheney just came out and said that they'll stop waterboarding? Now why do ya suppose they did that?

  106. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 4:17 pm

    New and improved! Now with some kind of meat!

  107. Snappy
    November 6th, 2007 at 4:18 pm

    Lottsa people don't know that rat feces are a good source of vitamin B-12!

  108. nerfherder
    November 8th, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    Who won???

  109. Alex
    November 8th, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    Ah, forgot to write a comment: this contest had been called already - winners were notified by email. Because there were 20 of them, I didn't have the time to post up the winning entries. :(

  110. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:18 pm

    Gracie dear, I want to take a nap, but I can't find the cat. Where is Mr. Snuggle Wumpkins?

  111. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:24 pm

    Wow, it's a good thing Medicare Part D pays for all my blood pressure pills and cholesterol binders!

  112. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:30 pm

    Folks, there's only one thing that can make me forget that I'm Jewish besides a good spliff. Tell 'em Gracie.

  113. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    (Snappy comments for love, not prizes.)

  114. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:35 pm

    And folks wonder why I took a Gentile for a wife...

  115. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:45 pm

    Honey, Bob Hope just called and says he's out of hair tonic. What can he use in a pinch?

  116. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:49 pm

    Babe, Bing Crosby just called and said Bob Hope stinks like a jar of two-day-old gorilla butt, what can he use to mask the stench?

  117. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:51 pm

    Gracie, I've got Malaria, is there a cure?

  118. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:58 pm

    Honey, seriously. You are taking this promotion a little too far. I think you are developing an unhealthy, and when I say 'unhealthy,' I'm not trying to be funny... an unhealthy obsession with...

  119. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 9:59 pm

    'Served in fine nut houses nationwide.

  120. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 10:00 pm

    At least the money's good.

  121. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 10:13 pm

    Gracie, five semi trucks filled with ever-lovin' SPAM just pulled up in front of the house! I've got Hormel on the line, and they say you told them that we don't want money! What did you do?!

  122. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 10:31 pm

    The next time you see Techno Viking grooving in the middle of the street, protecting all the cool chicks from harshing marauders and naer-do-wells, hand him something that will keep his pointing hand in the air and laying down God's law. Hand him...

  123. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 10:47 pm

    SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Consuming SPAM Near Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, and Low Birth Weight.

  124. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 10:54 pm

    Honestly, undeveloped fetal pigs produce the most tender and tastiest meat possible, just don't think about it.

  125. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 10:57 pm

    WARNING: Smoking SPAM is not a safe alternative to cigarettes.

  126. Snappy
    November 8th, 2007 at 11:06 pm

    Don't let Commie Joe Stalin take away your dinner! Keep your shelter stocked with Senator McCarthy-approved SPAM. The only meat proven to survive a nuclear attack.


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