Here's a sample of the funny shenanigans you can find at Miss Cellania's post on everything College:
These are analogies and metaphors found in college essays. (Thanks, Wendy!) I can't vouch for how "actual" they are, but they are way too funny not to post!
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.