Caption Monkey 1: Balls of Steel.

(Yes, this was on Neatorama before)

Yay! I’m happy to announce a new collaboration with Ape Lad’s Hobotopia: a weekly caption contest where the funniest caption wins a free monkey drawing!

Contest rule is simple: one caption per comment, make it funny but please keep it civil. You can submit as many comments as you’d like.

Funniest caption will receive a free monkey drawing - you name the monkey, and Ape Lad will draw you one (for example: the Neatorama Monkey and the whole Monkey! set at Flickr). If you don’t win, but still want a monkey, you can buy one directly from him (it’s worth it!)

Update 7/16/07: Congratulations to Jani #113 for the winning entry:

Never wear steel cap shoes in a battle against a monk, who is wearing an assmagnet.

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Posted on

July 11, 2007 at 1:57 am by Alex
Category: Caption Monkey

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170 comments to "Caption Monkey 1: Balls of Steel."

youdiejoe
July 11th, 2007 at 2:03 am
HACKY……..SACK!
fraz
July 11th, 2007 at 2:23 am
He couldn’t help but feel the doctor was taking testing the success of the castration a bit far.
pridesax
July 11th, 2007 at 2:32 am
Take your best shot!
pridesax
July 11th, 2007 at 2:34 am
Was this the anger management you were talking about?!
pridesax
July 11th, 2007 at 2:35 am
This is how you do it!
Sylvain
July 11th, 2007 at 2:44 am
To prevent them to be stolen, the Hong-Kong city has disguised their automatic street shoe shine cleaners in shaolin monks. Here, Our Mayor, M. Chang, tests the first prototype.
onelargeprawn
July 11th, 2007 at 2:50 am
And that is why they call him “Iron Wang”…
Paul
July 11th, 2007 at 3:07 am
I can’t…it’s stuck…
Tommy
July 11th, 2007 at 3:25 am
Ow!!! My foot!!!
Gregg
July 11th, 2007 at 3:49 am
Government official explaining the finer points of your rights…..
Rog
July 11th, 2007 at 4:03 am
What a strange place for an inter-dimensional portal!
duende
July 11th, 2007 at 4:08 am
“What was that you were doing there?”
Called ‘crane technique.’
“Does it work?”
If do right, no can defense.
“Could you teach me?”
First learn stand, then learn fly.
Nature rule, Daniel-san.
Not mine.
Jon
July 11th, 2007 at 4:30 am
WOW….this floor is slippery!
gonz
July 11th, 2007 at 4:33 am
The Kid n Play dance routine only works if we both do it at the same time.
neato
July 11th, 2007 at 4:45 am
That was Zen, this is…YOW!
dave
July 11th, 2007 at 4:45 am
OWWW!! OWWWW!!! OWWWWWW!!!! you just kicked me in the nuts? owwww!!!! why did you do that?
C=64
July 11th, 2007 at 4:48 am
Worst Siamese twins. Ever.
C=64
July 11th, 2007 at 4:52 am
Damnit! This worked for Avril Lavigne!
Xayzer
July 11th, 2007 at 5:09 am
Me Shaolin Monk. Me brake your toes with my balls.
bÂ°b
July 11th, 2007 at 5:11 am
The monk is bonkers, his balls are NUTS!
john
July 11th, 2007 at 5:13 am
disguising herself as a man worked as planned…
bÂ°b
July 11th, 2007 at 5:14 am
… and this is how you dance the nutcracker
Xayzer
July 11th, 2007 at 5:15 am
Shaolin Monk: I don’t use them for anything else anyway, might as mell train them to crush legs.
bÂ°b
July 11th, 2007 at 5:17 am
Miyagi says: Banzai, Daniel-san.
Xayzer
July 11th, 2007 at 5:23 am
Shaolin Monk: Meet my twins - Lee and Kuang. They know Martial Arts - DragonBall style!
stephen
July 11th, 2007 at 5:29 am
it’s not a vagina, it’s a clown car.
duende
July 11th, 2007 at 5:45 am
ding dong
Mark
July 11th, 2007 at 6:33 am
If no one was looking I could lift you with my leg!
Scratch
July 11th, 2007 at 6:33 am
The Nature of Dukkha: All life is suffering.
Dave
July 11th, 2007 at 6:43 am
blass balls that spalk in stolmy weatha’
Ellisattack
July 11th, 2007 at 6:47 am
Check out my massive, oversized, shaped-like-a-shaolin-monk shoe.
Nic
July 11th, 2007 at 6:51 am
Gonz wins!
Andy
July 11th, 2007 at 6:52 am
The monks of Xao Xao can swallow a man whole using nothing more than the time-honored talent of rectum control.
Neon Lite
July 11th, 2007 at 6:53 am
I’ve got balls of steel.
Tom
July 11th, 2007 at 7:07 am
LET! GO!
Lambert
July 11th, 2007 at 7:37 am
What is the sound of one ball clapping?
L.B. Jeffries
July 11th, 2007 at 7:39 am
Yup, I’m certain. You’ve got testicular cancer.
Mark
July 11th, 2007 at 7:42 am
Stepped in dog doo again!! Mind if I wipe it off right here.
matt
July 11th, 2007 at 7:45 am
Rueters:
Washington DC: In a rare visit to our nation’s capital, the Dali Lama’s younger brother one-ups his grand master by showing off his highly honed skill of regenerating late-50s era James Browns with his own nuts.
Alec
July 11th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Your crane-style foreplay is strong, but my dragon-style chastity belt is stronger.
stephen
July 11th, 2007 at 7:50 am
It is true. Our Teacher has gone nuts.
Alec
July 11th, 2007 at 7:50 am
Rare photo of a Shaolin monk giving birth to a fully grown western businessmen.
Miss Cellania
July 11th, 2007 at 7:53 am
I can’t stand it! Ya’ll are just plain FUNNY!
John Steward
July 11th, 2007 at 7:55 am
Wang-Chung gets punk’d by his fellow monks who convinced him that his training would keep this from hurting.
Trey
July 11th, 2007 at 7:59 am
balls of steal and a iron will
Frank
July 11th, 2007 at 8:01 am
Rosham-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… Ok you win.
I.n0jaQ
July 11th, 2007 at 8:10 am
-The Buddha’s Fourth Nobel Truth-
Western diplomatic ideals of the “Middle Path” differ greatly from that of our own!
Sucubusface
July 11th, 2007 at 8:14 am
Madonna was looking forward to trying this pilates position on her husband.
gnoble
July 11th, 2007 at 8:16 am
NUTS!
fignutz
July 11th, 2007 at 8:26 am
you pathetic weak american you not have the strength
fignutz
July 11th, 2007 at 8:27 am
I’m not touching you i’m not touching you
Scott Schecter
July 11th, 2007 at 8:35 am
Hey, wait a minute….Let go of my foot!!
bÂ°b
July 11th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Shaolin monk can tie your shoelaces, without using his hands.
Dan
July 11th, 2007 at 8:49 am
the famous “rochambeau for tibet”
Jonathan
July 11th, 2007 at 8:51 am
You do not kick nuts. Nuts kick you.
Aaron
July 11th, 2007 at 8:56 am
And here we see monks demonstrating their new form of birth control.
Albie
July 11th, 2007 at 9:01 am
And so it was that Wang Shu, the Accountant God, sprang forth fully formed from the groin of Master Shi Wu.
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 9:09 am
I told you that your foot would fit up there!
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 9:12 am
I’m sure that’s your shoe, go ahead see if it fits.
jenesis
July 11th, 2007 at 9:15 am
“and this is what i learned from grandma”
jenesis
July 11th, 2007 at 9:18 am
“and he wasn’t even drunk”
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 9:18 am
WHAM! BANG! SLAM! (do do do do do do do do BATMAN do do do do do do do do BATMAN!)
jenesis
July 11th, 2007 at 9:19 am
i’ve said it once before— beauty is pain.
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Let go of my shoe…it was expensive!
jenesis
July 11th, 2007 at 9:22 am
he was rejected from cheerleading.
clearly, his kicks weren’t high enough.
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 9:25 am
April Fools!
JBM
July 11th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Crotching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!
wit of a wit
July 11th, 2007 at 9:53 am
No, We will not free tibet. Take that!
DemonioFlatline
July 11th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Shaolin Monk on the right: “lucky that his balls are in my pocket…”
Excession
July 11th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Castration: What you don’t have can’t hurt you
fraz
July 11th, 2007 at 10:07 am
This is how we ensure you keep to your vow of celibacy!
fine
July 11th, 2007 at 10:13 am
‘Monk & Monkey’
Jen
July 11th, 2007 at 10:14 am
Due to the steady decline of Buddhists in America, the Shaolin Monks have decided to launch a campaign that highlights the more “badass” side of total enlightenment.
fine
July 11th, 2007 at 10:15 am
“Dragon-Balls”
DM
July 11th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Oh, hai Buddha. I’m in ur courthouse, kicking ur monks wangs.
fine
July 11th, 2007 at 10:19 am
“… We have more Nuclear Power than U.S.A. …”
fine
July 11th, 2007 at 10:22 am
“… he hasnt balls, he is married.”
Del Mecham
July 11th, 2007 at 10:22 am
After over 20 years of painful practice (and watching the “Karate Kid”), the low-level Thai functionary is finally able to try out the “crane kick” on the nearest Shaolin monk.
Jen
July 11th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Herb, always known as a prankster, took the practical joking a litle too far when he convinced the visitng monks of the new “Official Greeting” of the California Assembly.
fine
July 11th, 2007 at 10:33 am
China kicked ass Tibet, but they have balls…
Brent
July 11th, 2007 at 10:50 am
This is how monks stay abstinent.
Albie
July 11th, 2007 at 10:50 am
They knew their computers were old, but it wasn’t until they asked a Geek Squad technician to “reboot the Abbot’s Wang” that they decided they really ought to upgrade.
George Carey
July 11th, 2007 at 10:58 am
I’ll teach you for taking the last doughnut!
Val
July 11th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Bill Cosby and Jackie Chan in, RUSH HOUR 7: Assisted Penile Sepuku!
Chris
July 11th, 2007 at 11:14 am
#’s 2 6 and 76 !!!
Deb G.
July 11th, 2007 at 11:21 am
You learn the wisdom of Tai Kwan Leep! However, Ed Gruberman, that should be boot to the *head*!
Mark
July 11th, 2007 at 11:24 am
This is what marriage feels like. See, you’re not missing ANYTHING!
Klatuu
July 11th, 2007 at 11:37 am
This is why they don’t play “Dance Dance Revolution” at the UN.
Samantha
July 11th, 2007 at 11:47 am
Let’s see how zen-like you can be after this!
DM
July 11th, 2007 at 11:58 am
OK, one more:

Oh, hai Los Angeles. I can has dong kicking now?
pronoblem
July 11th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Buddhist monk Nodong Thong demonstrates the “foot crusher” riposte of the little-known martial arts form NoKanDo
mac
July 11th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
wax OFF!
Jen
July 11th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
An example of the re-run dance gone horribly, horribly wrong…
jv222x
July 11th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
You never disrespect a black man.
Mark
July 11th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Rock, paper, scissors???? How about size twelve!!!
Chris
July 11th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
1. Monk : “OK. Now it’s my turn.”

2.How to kick a sleek unique mistique eunuch without a shriek nor a squeak.
caro g
July 11th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Mr. Jones quickly realized his plan to roshjambo for the presidency was not going to work.
JIM
July 11th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
“All your nut belong to us!!”
Sergio Eidi
July 11th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Yes, Mr. Satan… IÂ´m Kulilin and these are My DragonBalls!
Randall
July 11th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Helping the oriental mind understand american justice.
Tim Giachetti
July 11th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
GOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLL!
seamus
July 11th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
monk:”no need for that sir as my balls have not dropped yet”
Sam
July 11th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Ball to Foot style - how’d ya like it?
Sam
July 11th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
And then I hit him, several times - hard - in the foot with my nuts. After that he was too chicken to even pick me up off the ground and keep fighting!
Sam
July 11th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Never Rochambeau with a monk, even if you get to go first.
Mother
July 11th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
After 20 years of training and an impressive demonstration of his Iron Will, all Kama truly yearned for was his dignity back. That, and a full head of hair.
the vainglorious teemo!
July 11th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
“Can’t touch this.”
Sophy
July 11th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
half man, half shopvac
Rubenoc
July 11th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
That day, the policeman learned to search for hidden knifes instead of kicking first.
Rubenoc
July 11th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Trough meditation, some parts of our body develop an incredible suction power.
rainman
July 11th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
“Swing your partner down the halls, allemande left and kick ‘em in the ….”
Rubenoc
July 11th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Let’s see if you really come in peace!
Jani
July 11th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Never wear steel cap shoes in a battle against a monk, who is wearing an assmagnet.
amanda
July 11th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
#92!!!!
Billy
July 11th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE……YYYYAHHHHH!!!
Will
July 11th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
After years of humiliation by Dennis the Menace, George Wilson finally decides it’s time he learned to fight BACK.
Tom K
July 11th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
::WHACK::
You missed.
::WHACK::
Missed again.
::WHACK::
Sorry.
::WHACK::
Keep trying…
fine
July 11th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Nigga Behind the Trigga
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
When a handshake just isn’t enough.
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Order in the court!
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
The defense lawyer lost his case, the monk lost his marbles.
Pwntalive
July 11th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
My wingtips. Let me show you them.
Pwntalive
July 11th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Sweep the Leg Johnny!
No, not that one!!!1!
warmworm
July 11th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
If you wouldn’t mind waiting until our dinner to play footsie, sir?
Jackie
July 11th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
A new and permanent form of birth control is now being tested in Asia.
arbyn
July 11th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
#113 hands down winner.
Andrew Zen
July 11th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
SURPRISE ATTACK! I bet you can’t block this one monk-ey man!
Chad
July 11th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Ah, you fool! My carnivorous testicles will devour your leg!
Ballzach
July 11th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Wrecking Balls
Ben
July 11th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
When the Shaolin monks gained the majority of seats in Congress, they introduced a new political tactic: stone balling.
Deb
July 11th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Former Congressman T. Bagg (D-Florida) issued a public apology and committed himself to a rehab facility after Rebublican leaders released photographs of an unofficial afterhours party featuring a group of male tantric prostitutes and various controlled narcotics supplied by the Lubricant Lobby. “I am truly sorry if my meditation on the connectedness between my foot and another’s ass offended anyone,” Bagg said. “I intend to maintain a separation of church and state in the future.”
Samantha
July 11th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
“And THAT’S for taking the last California Roll at lunch today!”
wikiwiki
July 12th, 2007 at 12:29 am
As part of the Patriot Act, all foreign nationals entering the US must be tested for aggression against the government while under duress.
bÂ°b
July 12th, 2007 at 1:03 am
Don’t call it soccer… call it football.
slowe
July 12th, 2007 at 1:52 am
testicle monk is not impressed
theory propaganda campaign
July 12th, 2007 at 2:28 am
the crane kick (c) 1984
Stu
July 12th, 2007 at 5:13 am
Learning to give birth to business-men helped the monks bypass low monk wages which had got ridiculously low due to a monk dominated work force.
Stu
July 12th, 2007 at 5:15 am
Through millenia of reincarnated training, alpha monk developed the skills to blast his enemies across the universe via a portal in his anus.
gonz
July 12th, 2007 at 6:10 am
At least the athletic cups “Made in China” still work.
gonz
July 12th, 2007 at 6:11 am
You have a 1972 D penny in your loafer.
gonz
July 12th, 2007 at 6:11 am
China’s TSA demos their shoe inspection technique.
insomniac
July 12th, 2007 at 6:35 am
the sholin rule of ‘always look straight’ fails!!
insomniac
July 12th, 2007 at 6:38 am
Guess its time to change ur shaolin rule:ALWAYS LOOK STRAIGHT
insomniac
July 12th, 2007 at 6:40 am
Some nuts are too hard to crack
insomniac
July 12th, 2007 at 6:44 am
Peace or pees?..ok then u are askin for it.
Kat
July 12th, 2007 at 8:54 am
This was clearly photoshopped. Period.
jima-san!
July 12th, 2007 at 9:18 am
“Sorry. Left those back home.”
Frank S. Besner
July 12th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Did you pack these bags yourself?
Colinski
July 12th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
“Your ass! It’s eating my foot! Call it off! Call it off!”
weeze
July 12th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Silly black man! Don’t you know I lean to the left on Wednesdays!
Mike S
July 12th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Hey, what gives? This worked on Karate Kid!
Heather Richards
July 12th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
This is how the United States plays ball!
Tracy
July 12th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Actually, I find the toe-wiggling quite soothing.
Nora
July 12th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Mr.Williams wasn’t a man to ponder the nature of the universe. He liked to think he was the sort of fellow to have it all figured out. He was a man of ration, in a rational world.
However his last thought as his foot slowly stretched out before him and twisted into nothing was this:

“Now thats an odd place to find a black hole.”

Without much fuss, the rest of him shortly followed.
Lenny
July 12th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Feel the lords power in restoring your fertility!
Lenny
July 12th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
That’s the last time I try to be different and wear pants!
Lenny
July 12th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
James’ ancestors choose a bad time to show up
Lenny
July 12th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Stop trying to hit me and hit me!
Rebecka
July 13th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
I IZ IN UR KROCH
STEELN’ UR PRIED!
when's lunch?
July 13th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Although his skill in catching arrows with his bare hands was proficient, his true speed and control remained in a less mentionable area.
pinback
July 14th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Monk’y Assaulted Nuts
nasar
July 14th, 2007 at 11:27 am
Madness?! This is Neatorama!!!!
warmworm
July 14th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
As exemplified here, the Hokey-Pokey is a game that varies in it’s rules and intensity throughout the world.
sinister bunny
July 15th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
“Flying Flamingo Kick!”
musicislife09
July 15th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
THANK YOU SIR!MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
froggieb
July 16th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
you put your right foot in……….
Hokey Pokey “new” style.
Alex
July 17th, 2007 at 12:35 am
Wow - excellent entries, guys - I LOL’ed at a bunch of them. Many are so funny and creative it’s hard to pick one.

But one really stuck in my mind: “Never wear steel cap shoes in a battle against a monk, who is wearing an assmagnet.” by Jani #113. Priceless!

So congrats to Jani who won a free Monkey drawing by Apelad! And props to all of you who submitted all those funny comments.
fluff
July 17th, 2007 at 7:35 am
nice pick alex!
Jani
July 18th, 2007 at 6:58 am
Well thank you. Now I just have to think of a monkey.
kirsty
May 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am
you have much to learn young grasshopper

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